How Much My Face Costs

Screen Shot 2015-09-10 at 2.25.19 PMI hate to admit this. In fact, I’m typing with one hand and covering my face in shame with the other. But I’m slightly mystified with the Kardashians. I’m not proud of it. But after a long day, it’s something I can turn my brain off and be entertained by, much like staring at something shiny, ya know?

Therefore when I see an article that says something like, oh I don’t know … “This is How Much Kylie Jenner Spends On Her Face,” I click on it. (Oh shut it, you probably did, too) 

I was expecting thousands and thousands of dollars would be spent, between the lip fillers and her star-studded cast of hair stylists and makeup artists. But the youngest of the Kardashian clan spends around a little over $3,000 for the whole sha-bang. While for me, that price is shocking and a bit appalling, for her it’s kind of like, “really? That’s all?” 

Which made me want to evaluate my own beauty regiment, because I don’t know about you, but I wake up looking like a gargoyle. So I need a LOT of help de-gargoyling myself before I can show my face in public without scaring small children. 

While I was a little nervous, yet 110% positive I wouldn’t come close to Kylie’s over $3,000 beauty budget, I decided to crunch the numbers and see how much I actually spend to fake dance around people and be all, “I WOKE UP LIKE DIS,” but in reality I woke up super early and applied X amount of dollars worth of shit to my body so I didn’t frighten you. 

So here it is … 

Face

Aveeno Positively Radiant Brightening Face Cleanser: $7.99

Aveeno Daily Moisturizing Lotion: $11.99

Kiehls Facial Fuel Eye De-puffer: $20.00

Miss Spa Brightening Facial Sheet Mask: $3.99 (only once in a blue moon, though)

Rubbing Alcohol: $3.29 (this is my solution to all breakouts … it’s glorious)

Makeup

Smashbox Photo Finish Foundation: $36 (I still don’t know if this shit ACTUALLY does anything)

Benefit Erase Paste: $26 (the cream of the Gods)

Laura Mercier Foundation: $48

Mac Bronzing Power: $26

Benefit Sugarbomb Box O’ Powder: $28 (I randomly found this stuffed in the back of my makeup drawer, and now I’m obsessed)

Benefit They’re Real Mascara: $24

Sephora Collection Long-lasting 12-hour liquid eyewear: $12

Sephora Collection Retractable Eyebrow Pencil: $13

Rimmel Lasting Finish By Kate Moss Lipstick: $5.79 (my current lip jam)

Hair:

TRESeme Color Revitalize Protection Shampoo: $4.99

Conditioner from a hair dye box (depends): $6.99 (yes, I buy the box hair dye, and only use the conditioner because it rocks that hard)

Keratin shit from my salon: $20 (it has my salon’s logo on it, so I don’t know exactly where you could get it.  What up, Verde Salon)

Not Your Mother’s Clean Freak Dry Shampoo: $5.99 (only when I’m super lazy and don’t want to wash my hair, which is constantly)

Grand total to NOT look like a gargoyle: $304.02 

I mean it isn’t TERRIBLE, right? RIGHT?! GOOD GOD, TELL ME I DON’T HAVE ISSUES! Sigh. I blame Sephora. Damn you, Sephora and all of your shiny goodness, DAMN YOU! :::shakes fist::: (just kidding, love you, mean it)

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Giovanni & Pileggi Salon: Hair TLC

Screen Shot 2015-05-20 at 9.42.02 AMI’m openly admitting here, to all of you, that I abuse my hair. Hardcore. It is not something I’m proud of, in fact I find myself making open promises to treat it better on the regular. Unfortunately, I quickly fall back into awful habits of not getting it cut for months on end, but dying it too regularly, promising to turn down the temperature of my flat iron to lower than 450 degrees, but instead just keeping it at that temp because my hair gets straighter faster. I mean … I’m the worst. 

It wasn’t until I found myself standing in insanely bright lighting, highlighting how badly my color had grown out, exposing all of my wretched gray hairs that I said maybe, just maybe, my hair deserves a little TLC. And if there is one place that knows how to treat hair with the proper care it deserves, that is Giovanni & Pileggi Salon in Philly. 

I first went to them late last fall to try out their new hair color that is all organic and actually conditions your hair instead of making it straw-like and brittle. I’ve been through the ringer when it comes to people dying my hair. Between not giving me the color I wanted, burning my scalp leaving me with actual scabs (hey, how about that visual), I was willing to try anything. Maraes (the name of the color they use), changed my life. Free of harsh chemicals, gluten-free (who knew gluten was bad for your hair, by the way!?), and all organic … I left the salon that day feeling like I was in some cliche haircare commercial. 

So months later, with lots of gray hair, and a tired look, I went to Giovanni himself, bright and early on a Saturday (the Saturday before Mother’s Day … which I probably wouldn’t do again, my mistake), for relief. I’m beginning to call him my color savor. 

While my color, again, turned out fantastic this time around, so much so that I was desperately wishing for a large gust of wind to come by so I could whip it around Beyonce-style, I have to say the styling that happened after made me swoon even more. 

Giovanni & Pileggi is now using styling tools by GHD from curling irons, flat irons to blow dryers, which you can purchase in the salon, that actually makes your hair healthier, shinier, and doesn’t allow you to burn your hair due to temperature control (GASP, I know right?!) While flat irons and curling irons may look like actual torture devices, these products are a little less intimidating because they are designed for you to not be able to damage your hair.

I was skeptical, for sure, because I’m a TOTAL flat iron snob, but I sat in the chair and let them go to town on my hair to see what this brand GHD was all about. And I have to say, when I turned around and looked at my hair after they finished, I was straight up giddy. Like I almost giggled out of extreme happiness … and I don’t giggle. After hours of dying and styling … my hair had never looked healthier, shiner, or happier. Yes, my hair actually seemed like it was smiling for once. 

The things we do to look fantastic … my GAWD. But sometimes we have to give ourselves a break, and that includes our hair. GHD is a a great compromise for a styling tool snob like me as it gives me the same great look in the same amount of time, but doesn’t leave all the damage. I mean … sign me up. 

And per usual, I left the salon strutting my stuff down 12th street with “Whose that Lady” blasting in my head … pretending the people I walked past were all, “OMG look at her hair … I wonder where SHE is going!?” Unfortunately I was going home to watch a Will & Grace marathon on my couch with some sushi … but hey, at least I looked absolutely fantastic whilst doing it! 

A ridiculously big thanks to Giovanni, Colin and the team of fantastic people that made me look and feel utterly fantastic to the point of giggling … and for showing me the amazing ways of GHD. 

If you torture your hair like I do/did, get your ass to Giovanni & Pileggi … they will give your hair the extra care it deserves without sacrificing the style … and no they didn’t pay me to say that. :::Drops mic:::