What Do We Do? The 2016 Presidential Election

I really was so above and beyond excited to sit here and write this post about how honored and thrilled I am to have a woman FINALLY elected president. I was going to talk about how I was probably still drunk from celebrating, and how my keyboard was covered in happy tears.

Welp, my keyboard is covered in tears, but they ain’t happy

Sigh. 

I haven’t had words for the majority of the day. I just have this horrific hallow feeling. Almost like I’m in mourning, which if any of you have ever mourned, is probably one of the worst feelings in the world. I just feel robbed. Depleted. And sad. Super sad. 

If any of you follow me on social media, or know me, you know how obsessed I am with Hillary Clinton. She has her flaws, and she may not be the coolest girl in the room, but Jesus is she inspiring and smart and just, well, so violently qualified to run this country. 

:::Sobs/blows nose:::

So the big thing now is where do we go? What do we do when we don’t want to get behind a racist, homophobic, xenophobic, misogynistic, sexual assault offender as our commander-in-chief? (I’m sorry I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say the words that rhyme “Shmresident Lump). 

The truth is I honestly don’t know. A huge part of me feels like he will never be my president, because I know deep down in my being that he will never change. I mean, I could be totally wrong. I also thought America wouldn’t be stupid enough to elect him, and, welp, here we are, kids.

One thing I do know is the like-minded people I met during the Clinton campaign are still here. Whether it was at the DNC, at a bar, at my work … it was just so refreshing to see such smart, like-minded people come together to trump hate and stand on the right side of history (that unfortunately did not prevail).

We all got Trumped, HARD, but our voices did not. And we need to remind ourselves of that. 

I see so many of my friends, mostly female and from the LBGTQ community, worried, even sick about their future, and it breaks my heart. Fuck, I’m scared. Like do I have to quit my job, marry an investment banker, and learn how to bake!? I DO NOT WANT TO. AH.

I have family members who are on Obamacare now worried that they won’t be insured come 2017. This shit is REAL

Look, we are all entitled to deal with this loss the way we wish. If you’re pissed, be pissed. If you want to “be united” and “more forward,” please do so. Me? I want to eat carbs and watch Hillary Clinton’s concession speech over and over again and cry on my couch. Do you. Just STAPH preaching on Facebook about how people should deal. It’s annoying as fuck and no one cares. 

Hillary may not have won, but I’m standing with my ladies, with my LGBTQ community, minorities, and to all the people who feel like their livelihood is in danger. Because I am one of those people. Know that we are the one’s that make America great … fuck we make America FANTASTIC. Period. 

And if “Shmresident Lump” can’t get behind us, well then, I guess I’m going to live in my little bubble where love is love, walls aren’t a thing, equal rights exist, acceptance prevails, women can do the same thing as men, if not more, and men don’t sexually assault women and get rewarded for it. I’m okay with living in that bubble the next four years. I really am. 

Hillary … my sweet, sweet Hillary :::sobs:::. Thank you for the inspiration. Thank you for making me feel like I can achieve anything I put my heart and soul into. Thank you for making me care about politics again. To me… you shattered that glass ceiling.

And girl, I hope you are taking a BOSS vacation. Like I hope your team rented you an island and you have a staff at hand that can just cook you amazing dinners, bring you tropical cocktails around the clock, and wait on you hand and foot. HIRE INA GARTEN. YAAS. You deserve it. Look if you need me to plan this glorious vaca for you, I will be happy to do so. Call me, we’ll have cocktails. 

So there you have it. If you want to cry, bitch, scream, sob … you know where to find me on the social channels, yo. I love you all. Dearly. You know who you are. 

Sigh. 

love-and-kindness

Boring Is The New Black

Hillary-Bored-at-Benghazi-VictimsPREFACE: I’m going to make this clear off the jump … I’m not really into politics. Especially during this presidential race. Seeing people post their strong opinions and tear apart others for theirs is like nails on a chalkboard to me. 

But something that really ruffles my feathers during a presidential race is a candidate and their so-called “cool factor.” Hillary is a bitchy square who isn’t connecting with millennials and making them yawn, yet Bernie is SO RAD because he’s making everyone “feel the BERN!” Guess what fellow millennials? This is a perfect example of why everyone hates our guts.

Look, I didn’t vote for Barack Obama (or did I?! Staying politically ambiguous here) because he hangs out with Jayz and Beyonce, or because his wife wears designer clothes like a boss and mom dances with Jimmy Fallon. Those things don’t make a president. Those things make a reality star at best. 

I want my candidate just like I like my mom: smart, sharp, and someone I’m a little afraid of. While my mom wasn’t exactly terrifying (try the opposite), I always knew her bottom line, and never crossed it, simply because I knew my life would suck if I did. I also trusted that she would keep me alive. You know, food, water, clothes, roof over my head. But did I want her to hangout with my friends and I? NO. I’m 29 and still loathe the fact my mom follows me on Instagram.

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But tell me, fellow millennials, what do we want Hillary to do to be “cool”? Sit front row at New York Fashion Week with Anna Wintour? Rock something from Yeezy Season 3? The woman took a selfie with Kim Kardashian, for the love of fuck, isn’t that enough?

Because if she did all that shit … she would be this: 

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“I’m not a regular candidate, I’m a COOL candidate.” And all the millennials and young guns out there would be rolling their eyes like, “MOM … I mean Secretary Clinton, PLEASE STOP TALKING!” Regina George-style. 

Henceforth why I could give a shit if Hillary is cool or not. She’s being herself, and that is a respectable thing. Rock the hell out of grandma ROYGBIV pants suits is what I say. As long as she is focused on taking care of the important things like, oh I don’t know, making sure ISIS doesn’t murder all of our faces, she can make me yawn all she wants.

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So look, vote for whomever the fuck you want. I really couldn’t care less. Seriously don’t even share with me who you are supporting. I’ll scream. But please don’t oogle the fact that hip designers like Marc Jacobs are backing a certain candidate and don’t get behind someone because your favorite celeb told you to. 

To the candidates out there: Be intelligent. Be focused. Be determined. And don’t give a fuck about being “cool.” Because look, future president, coming from an actual “millennial,” I don’t want to be your friend. I don’t want to hangout with you. I don’t want to follow you on Instagram or the SnapChats. I just want you to focus on keeping me employed, keeping my rights in tact, and stopping ISIS from murdering me. So nerd it up, is what I say. 

BORING IS THE NEW BLACK. 

Okay guys, first (and probably last) semi-political post complete. Feel free to rip me apart now.