Are Fast Fashion Gowns The New Big Game Ad?

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When I saw someone post on Twitter that the gorgeous dress Ciara rocked to the Met Gala was made by H&M, my first thought was, “that’s a stupid typo. Man, they must feel like an idiot.” 

Don’t get me wrong, I love me some H&M. I still get a kick out of people complimenting me on my statement necklaces and then rocking their world by telling them it was from H&M and only cost $30. Yeah. $30. 

But when I think of H&M, I think Cochella, acid washed short shorts, basics in every shape and form, Micky Mouse crop tops, and where fringe goes to die. Not Met Gala glam. Not even close. I don’t even think I could find a dress to wear to a wedding that wouldn’t expose all of my jiggly bits there, to be quite honest. 

H&M ended up outfitting Ciara, Hailee Steinfeld (she’s a person, right?), Jennifer Hudson, and others for the Met Gala, AND styled SJP last year! I mean where have I been?! 

It makes you wonder why a super star with endless amounts of connections and resources would choose to wear H&M to the Met Gala, especially when they most likely have Gucci, Chanel, Zac Posen, and every other haute couture designer at their fingertips. Why rock a brand that styles every average shmoo with stylish looks for under $50?

The Met Gala is known as the “Super Bowl of fashion.” So why don’t more “fast fashion” retailers style celebs? It’s a walking advertisement. It’s that million dollar 30 second ad during the Super Bowl (I feel like I can’t say Super Bowl, but I’m doing it. Super Bowl, Super Bowl, Super Bowl), except walking down a red carpet for much less money, and even more exposure. Kind of genius, when you think about it. 

Annoying As Balls E! News reporter: Kate! Kate! Who are you wearing?!?!

Me: Well, I’m wearing Zara for Zara off Zara tonight :::flips hair … falls flat on face walking up the stairs mid-hair flip:::

And also, umm H&M, I want that dress. I want all of those dresses. I get it, I doubt the dress is being made the same way the Micky Mouse crop top is, but that doesn’t deter me from wanting it. Ciara’s dress made me literally drool. It’s gorgeous. GIMME!

Unfortunately black tie, or bridesmaids dresses, or even wedding gowns has this stigma of only being purchased in stuffy bridal boutiques, or expensive department stores. But to have the luxury of looking as put together and chic as Ciara did in H&M for a quarter of the price? Umm … sign me the fuck up. “Oh shit, I just randomly got invited to this Black Tie event, what do I do?! Ahhh life!” You could just bop on over to H&M and call it a day. 

Look we women want ease and we want to look fantastic doing it. We want to look like we spent 8 hours getting ready for an event but in reality barely spent an hour because God dammit we only have a fucking hour. So if fast fashion retailers want to start making Met Gala-level gowns, I wouldn’t turn my nose up to shit like that. Nor should you.

Balmain For H&M … Do You Dare?

Screen Shot 2015-10-16 at 2.37.47 PMI like to think you all know me by now. I pretty much wear all black. I’m a hop, skip, and a jump away from being a cat lady (and I’m totally cool with that). And I loathe when designers partner with retailers like Target. Simply because I believe designer clothes are something you have to work for, and not something you should be allowed to pick up on your way to get laundry detergent. 

But people can change … right? 

I gotta say … the Balmain for H&M collection is pretty dreamy. So dreamy that I’ve considered even being one of “those” people who get up crazy early, wait outside in a line full of freaks for the doors of the store to open, and throw bows to get my prized item. Yep. It has happened. What can I say … a good collection can have that affect on even the snarkiest of folk. 

Yet all I see are all the insanely rad fashion bloggers out there like, “Ew. Why. Stop. My eyes. :::Yawn::: :::Hair flip::: :::Sip latte::: :::Instagram lipstick left on latte cup:::” 

But personally … I could give a shit. Simply because A. the collection looks decent and I’m a fan of the designer (and not because of the Kardashians, okay :::shifty eyes:::) and B. more importantly … I’m terribly curious to witness the launch of one of these designer meets retailer collections go down. 

I’ve never had the balls, simply because seeing women go insane and lose their shit and all of their manners just to score some piece of clothing with a designer label on it for H&M prices (which, hi, makes absolutely no sense) makes me wildly uncomfortable. Like palms sweaty, anxiety-ridden uncomfortable. 

Unfortunately, and sadly … really, really sadly, it has been on my fashion bucket list to witness an event as such. I have no idea why. Maybe I think it will be funny. Maybe I’m slightly addicted to the drama of it all. Maybe I’m a writer and this is the kind of crazed shit writers enjoy. Who the eff knows. 

I’m also really scared. Scared of what the sight of cheap designer goods does to the women of the world. Scared that I will literally get punched in the face by an insane women reaching for the same thing as me. Scared that I will get tripped and fall on my face, breaking all of my teeth, only to be left on the floor of H&M bleeding with not a care in sight. And scared I won’t get anything. Dammit, if I’m waiting to get into H&M for crying out loud, mama wants some cheap Balmain

So November 5, if anyone is feeling crazy and wants to wake up super early with me, I’ll be waiting in line at some H&M trying not to get murdered. I’ll buy the donuts, you bring the mace. Let’s do this. 

Until then, let’s drool over all the insane looks, shall we? 

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Got Wang? Wait … What?

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When it comes to traditional Alexander Wang, I would probably sell my mother on the black market for it (sorry ma). It’s amazing. It’s gorgeous. I can’t afford it, but if I could, I would be dripping in Alexander Wang all day err day. When I watch his runway shows, I drool. Literally. It’s disgusting.

Oh course, when you hear there is going to be an Alexander Wang collection that won’t have the cold breath of death price tag, you may get the urge to jump for joy, but I’m smarter than the average bear … or I like to think so (hair flip). Even though I notoriously loathe designer collections for retailers like Target and H&M … I always give them a chance. I always keep my fingers crossed that it will make me want to rise and shine early to stand in line with fellow psychopaths that would sell their souls for a piece of the collection before it goes up on Ebay for astronomical prices.

Alexander Wang for H&M, well, I wouldn’t say I loathe it, I’m just kind of sitting here scratching my head at it like, “huh”? If we were playing the game of, “what Spice Girl would you be,” I guess if you chose Sporty Spice this collection would be money for you … otherwise, again, my head is tilted and I just keep asking myself what in the what is going on in the wonderful world of fashion? Because every girl who gives a shit about style is dying for it. Literally clawing their way in to the H&M showroom to get their hands on a piece of this collection … and I’m just like, “meh.” Is their something wrong with me? Why don’t I like Wang? Wait … what?

If you are anything like me, you have a group of friends that are violently immature and walk around waiting with baited breath to say, “that’s what she said!” as dated and dusty as that phrase is. So I just can’t fathom walking around this earth with sports bras, hats, gloves, dresses that say WANG across them in big bold letters, for I would be a walking punchline. That’s just me though … I suppose my balls aren’t big enough to sport WANG. Get it?!? Ehhhh?!

And then, maybe he’s tipping his cap to the “strong woman.” The woman who isn’t afraid to wear all black and kick some ass. Which I mean, who couldn’t get behind that? In fact, when I see this collection, all I can think about is various Janet Jackson videos from the 80’s/90’s. Like Rhythm Nation, right?! But for me, I wear black all the time, but I’m also the person who has dreams that she goes to hit someone and her fists go limp. I truly couldn’t hurt a fly. I’m more of the run away as fast as I can from danger kind of gal. I wouldn’t have the slightest idea of what to do with WANG boxing gloves.

I’m not saying this collection is comparable to that nightmare known as Missoni for Target … woof … I’m just saying I don’t get it. It’s cool. It’s bad ass. But it isn’t for me. I think you have to be a very specific kind of woman to rock this collection and rock it right. Like Cara Delevingne. You need to be Cara Delevingne. If you aren’t her, then just admire it from afar.

And, for anyone,  Cara Delevingne included, be prepared for jokes due to the fact that you have the word WANG printed in bold all over your person. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Because I’m already starting to think of some creative ones.

But this dress is kind of rad. Not rad enough to wait in line with all the Wang Psychopaths (see what I did there), but rad to look at from afar.


Bathing Suits And Laying On Rocks

Gisele-Bündchen-HM-2014I am absolutely a realist. Give it to me real. Give it to me straight. So you can imagine how taken back I was when I saw H&M’s new commercial with Gisele Bundchen singing “Heart of Glass” in a string bikini, right?

I heard rumors that she was staring in their new campaign. I even heard she recorded her own version of Blondie’s renowned “Heart of Glass.” And you know what? I tipped my cap to her. I most definitely would NEVER have the balls to make my own version of such an epic song … and that takes BALLS. We are talkin’ Blondie here. It was something courageous and admirable, especially coming from an international super model.

:::Sigh::: and then I see the commercial. What the HELL, people? Her voice isn’t bad … auto tuned to death … but overall not bad. Definitely better than any reality star that has dropped a single, I’ll give her that (hello “Money can’t buy you class”). But what is with the fashion industry thinking women will buy bathing suits if they see stick figure super models with sick bodies just straight chillin’ on a rock with splashing waves behind them.

Seriously … no real woman wants to see that shit. None. Ever. Never ever. When was the last time you were at the beach and said, “hmm … you know what? I’m going to go sunbath on that rock over there with the rough surf surrounding it. I’ll catch you guys in a few.” WHAT?! Seriously. First of all, how uncomfortable could you be? Rocks aren’t comfortable last time I checked. Rocks bruise humans and leave scratches and weird marks. And knowing my luck, I would probably end up with a rock up my ass or some sea creature crawling on me, leading me to freak out, make some quick awkward motions and leaving me with a chipped tooth or unconscious on said rock, or something.

You know what else, when was the last time you were sunbathing, in a string bikini mind you, and said … “hmm, I’m going to lay on my side.” MOST. UNFLATTERING. POSITION. EVER. See below … have you ever done this, hmm? Does this look comfortable and relaxing to you? It looks like something that would induce an anxiety attack to me, personally … because everything just … you know … rolls to the side. Everything. Just sayin’ …
You know what I’m doing when I’m wearing a bikini? Sucking in my stomach slash thinking about my fat rolls … what they are doing, if they are visible, and when and if I should put my mumu back on. Yep. That’s what’s up. I realize if you aren’t comfortable with your body, you should maybe find a suit you are more comfortable in, yeah yeah … blah blah blah … but bathing suits are awkward. They leave little or nothing to the imagination. You mine as well be walking down Broad Street in your bra and panties. For the life of me I have no idea why the sight of “water” makes it all of a suddenly okay to be half naked in front of total strangers. It’s weird, right? Listen, the only way you could get me in a position like the one above on a beach is if Photoshop glasses existed and everyone was wearing them.

So my point is whilst selling bathing suits … keep it real, for the love of God. Because when I’m sitting on my couch eating party mix, sucking down a Diet Coke wearing ratty ol’ PJs with my cat and all of a sudden Gisele in a bikini straight chillin’ on some rocks appears on my TV … yeah that doesn’t exactly make me want to hop in my car and head straight to H&M. It makes me eat more party mix … and maybe invest in another mumu or two … or five.

Shut Up And Style Me

Screen shot 2013-02-13 at 9.51.29 PMOkay … we all get blocks in life. Road blocks, writer’s block (the bane of my existence), style block … all equally make me want to pull my hair out. Now we all know I have a fascination with black and white … well … everything. From my home to my closet to my bed … I’m a little crazed about minimalism. It’s simple, it’s clean … and above anything else, it is timeless. And when I see it in any shape or form … I need it then and now.

So when I was browsing in H&M this past weekend and came face-to-face with this black and white vertical striped sleeveless button down … I had to make it mine, therefore I did. I literally was counting down the hours until I could slip it on for work. But when that moment came … NOTHING flowed right, outfit-wise. All perfect ideas I had involved a maxi skirt and very Marc Jacobs Spring 2013 looks … but nothing conducive for 32 degree weather. I would slip a cardigan over it, then try one of my blazers, and then work in mixing patterns … ugh. And nothing make me feel like, “hell yes … I’m a stud.” So I put it back in closet, only to try the next day and the next facing the same damn issues.

After day three of this nonsense … I’m sending out a battle cry to you all, because I can’t take it anymore. I’m lusting after this shirt, yet we can’t be together because I haven’t found its true mate in life to make me feel amazing. So my request? Style this look for me. Clearly you have no idea what I have in my closet, but somehow, someway I probably have what you are talking about. I like to think I have all the basics.

Take a look at this fantastic top and comment below explaining how you would style it. I need suggestions whether traditional or outside of the box. Go for it … any inspiration helps, for the love of Jesus, because for some reason I can’t wrap my head around this guy. Hey … we all have our moments. I’m sure Marc Jacobs has issues getting dressed in the morning … right?

I mean who doesn’t want to play the part of Rachel Zoe?! Rock it out. Make it “maj“. Looking forward to seeing what you guys are going to bring to the table! Comment either here or on my numerous social media presences like:

Twitter: @LSIASB

Instagram: LifeSucksInAStraplessBra


The Best Of The Best Of The Best … 2011 Styley

The ball is about to drop kiddos, and I don’t know about you but I am welcoming 2012 with open arms. Hell, I might even make out with it a little bit … good riddens to ya 2011. But on that note, it has been a fabulous year for fashion and for this blog. So I would like to share with you what I like to call “The Best Of The Best Of The Best … 2011 Styley” list. The things that inspired me, the trends I loved, the trends I didn’t think I was going to love but did, the trends I wanted to punt … you get the gist.

So here it is ladies and gents, join me in bidding 2011 adieu.

Best Fashion Website:

The winner goes to I don’t even know how I stumbled upon it, but I live on it now. My favorite thing about the site is that they not only discuss trends, but supply these fabulous slide shows of where you can get the trends from $10 to $1,000. Genius. From cool new ways to wear a trend, to hangover cures, to cool artists who vomit paint onto a canvas, this site inspires me everyday … and has enhanced my wardrobe quite a bit.

Old School Trend I Didn’t Think I Would Ever Rock: 

The jean jacket. For the love of God, I thought I retired that nonsense back in the second grade, along with my bedazzler. But when I invested in a maxi skirt and had nothing respectable to wear with it besides a blazer, which made me look like a weird school marm, I drove myself to H&M and invest in a jean jacket. It was my go-to for everything maxi this summer. Sure, there were some days when I looked like Brenda Walsh from 90210, but it was a very stylish retro look that I couldn’t get enough of.

Style Stud Inspiration: 

Lady Gaga … I know I know, the woman looks like she gets dressed in a hurricane everyday and is wild and how could she EVER inspire my sense of style, blah blah blah. I’m not saying I’m walking about in nothing but a leather jacket, ripped fish nets, black and white hair and heelless boots, I’m absolutely not. But the reason she inspired me this year is her confidence with fashion. There are days when I stare at a leather skirt in my closet and wonder to myself, it is too much, is it too short, will I look like a hooker? When if it was her, it wouldn’t even be a thought. She loves fashion and she isn’t afraid to pull those crazytown couture looks off the runway, you know the ones that are only seen by like 20 people, while the rest of us are scared of them, and make them her own. We should all take a page from her book, think of how freeing it will be.

Favorite Accessory: 

I absolutely had a cuff addiction this year. Not just a cuff addiction but a cuff and big watch addiction. I didn’t really care about the necklaces or the rings or the other nonsense. But give me a sparkly or bold cuff and a menswear watch and I was in heaven. My wrists were very loved this year.

Favorite Store: 

I’m a Forever 21 and H&M girl at heart. But this year I had a secret love affair with Zara. I would drive my car into the city and literally wander around Zara for hours with piles and piles of clothes, allowing myself to try things on for “funsies.” And usually those were the things I fell in love with. From the color blocking, to the original dresses, I was in heaven. In fact, I’m going through withdrawal as I type.

Favorite Nail Polish:

Again, I’m usually an OPI girl, but a little sale and I started cheating on OPI with Butter. From the packaging to the colors themselves, they are fabulous and for some odd reason really make me feel special. I usually switch between black, nude, navy and red … but at the end of the day, my nails are usually red 85% of the time. I highly recommend Come To The Bed … it is my life. I’ve already gone through two bottles … I did the impossible, I finished 2 whole bottles of nail polish!

Biggest Trend Failure:

Tail hemlines. Ugh. I loved them, loved, loved, loved. So I invest in a sheer, pink (first fail) tail hemline skirt, thinking I could make it a little edgier with a pair of biker boots and a plain white T-shirt with a lot of bling. Instead I ended up looking like a cracked out ballerina. You know that scene from Ace Ventura when he goes to the loony bin wearing a tutu … yep, that was me. I got violently angry every time I tried to mold it into something fantastic. I even tried a tail hemline shirt, but ended up looking like I was going to Poison concert circa 1982 with my belly slightly exposed. Gross, I despise you.

Trend I Couldn’t Live Without: 

With the crazytown weather we had this summer, I would have been utterly lost without my maxi dresses. In fact, I am looking into long sleeve maxi dresses right now because, yes, I miss them that much. They were romantic, stylish and EASY. Sigh, how I miss them.

Over It:

I realize I may offend like half the female population when I say this, and for that I apologize, but I’m done with the whole longer top with leggings. Over. Done with it. It isn’t because it’s not chic, but because it is played out. You know when you hear the same song on the radio so much that the minute it comes on again you want to punt your radio? Well, that is how I feel about this trend. If only it was socially acceptable to wear leggings with anything … I would be a much happier person.

Favorite Shoe Designer: 

Jeffrey Campbell, hands down. Now, of course he doesn’t design “every day” shoes, but his vision and the fact that his shoes really are art make him my fav. I personally can’t wear his shoes because I would look tranny-rific, but if you are looking for a statement piece in your wardrobe, become one with Jeffrey. I do love going to visit them in the Nordstrom shoe department though.

Best Fashion Moment:

For me, it was absolutely the McQueen exhibit at the MET in NYC … the only time standing in line for four hours was SO beyond worth it. I hope some of you got a chance to see it, and for those of you who didn’t, well I hope it comes around again. It was so moving, so powerful and so beautiful, it literally moved me to tears.

So there ya have it. I mean obviously this isn’t every thing, but definitely the ones that stuck out the most. Hmm, I wonder what crazytown things we will end up wearing in 2012 for the sake of fashion.






Versace For H&M Tomorrow … Now GET OOOUUUTTT!

Sigh. Versace for H&M tomorrow. Woo hoo? Sorry, I forgot to purchase my champagne to pop and streamers for the joyous event. I apologize if I seem less than excited for the unveiling of the collection in all H&M stores tomorrow. I really wish I could get excited enough to take a PTO day to wait outside of H&M and jump up and down as I see the overwhelmed store manager come to the door to unlock my Versace dreams, but I just can’t get behind it.

I love Versace, I love Donatella … and I might just love Maya Rudolph’s impression of her even more, “you bitch.” I was in Miami when Gianni got murdered, I may have been like eight years old, but I was there dammit. I feel a connection to the brand, in fact our love recently got re-ignited when Gaga rocked it in her video for Edge of Glory.

Here’s what it is. I’m obsessed with the advertising for Versace at H&M. It is so innovative and actually gets me excited to see the collection up close and personal. From the creepy doll house music and Donatella-esque models roaming about as the real Donatella controls them to the styling. Genius, pure genius. Even the website … I’m obsessed.

But here is what bothers me. Everything I want, including this FANTASTIC belt that defines Versace and is very reminiscent of what Gaga rocked, is listed on the website as being in “select stores,” with no price. What does that mean? I thought Versace was doing a line for H&M so it could be obtainable for the entire general population who cannot afford to make a reservation at an actual Versace boutique, no? And there it is, the one thing I would consider purchasing and it probably is extremely expensive, for H&M that is, and quite limited apparently. Why don’t I just throw in the towel and go find myself a REAL Versace belt, because I bet I can find it in any high-end boutique or department store WITH a price listed. Oh that’s right, I’m not bleeding money.

I’ve just become completely anti-designers doing collections for stores like H&M, Target, Macy’s and so on. Like I said with the Missoni line for Target, a piece from Versace, real Versace, should be a thing you work your ass off to get. Something you strive for, not something you have to smack a bitch to get in an H&M aisle. It is sweet that these designers want everyone to be able to indulge in their fashions, it really is and I commend them for that.

Call me crazy but when I get my first piece of Versace, I don’t want to purchase it with crazy town women fighting over sizes and running around H&M while rioting like it is the end of the world, only to hike the price up ridiculously high and sell it on Ebay, gross. I don’t want to have to wear battle gear and be prepared to elbow women to get exactly what I was looking for. I don’t want to potentially walk out of H&M with claw marks up and down my person as I hold my H&M back as tight as I can, praying to Jesus I don’t get mugged by a Versace thirsty fashion fiend.

What I want is to make a reservation at a Versace boutique and have an extremely snobby Versace bitch serve me champagne and strawberries as she judges me under her breath. I want said snobby Versace bitch to bring out each piece from the collection one by one as I sit in a gold studded white leather chair, observing quietly, considering what I should try on. Call me crazy, but this is what I imagine a proper Versace experience to be like. A girl can dream, can’t she?

If you are going to H&M tomorrow, God speed, I would probably arm yourself with pepper spray or something. I have a feeling that scene isn’t going to be pretty.