What I Learned This Summer

67a4c8077fa9b247b48b74915c649fbcDude, it’s Labor Day weekend … what the eff. As everyone is getting ready to get their best festival gear out for MIA Festival, or hit the beach one last time, or wear their white pants until they fall off ONLY until Labor Day, though (which is a bullshit rule that makes no sense), I find myself getting all reflective and shit. I think it’s because when I left my house this morning, that awful chill was in the air that still gives me “back to school” anxiety … even though I’ve been out of school :::mumbles::: years. You know what I’m talking about. I always remember having to write the “here’s what I did this summer” essay … which I secretly loved, because I was a huge nerd who loved writing prompts/still do. “I went to Florida with my family and it was fun.” Good times. Good description, self.

But, oddly enough, I do think reflection is important … or maybe it is the fact that I just started yoga again and I’m drinking the kool aid … either or, either or. As trivial and silly as the things I learned this summer are, I do feel it is important to write them down … strictly so I can look at them 10 years from now and ridicule myself for being such an asshole.

So with all of that being said, I hope everyone had a lovely summer, and if you are anything like me, you are really to kick its ass out of town so we can embrace the deliciousness of fall fashion. Until then kids, have a fantastic Labor Day weekend, be safe, be smart … wear white until the cows come home. And, oh yeah, ‘MERICA!

1. Canadian tuxedos (all denim errthang) makes me way happier than I should get and are shockingly chic

2. Leather is okay when it is about 80 degrees, but you WILL get swamp ass

3. One piece bathing suits are no longer for prudes and squares (I want to thank Khloe Kardashian for this one)

4. High tea is an event that every woman needs to attend, at least one (but it is expensive and you will need a cheese steak after)

5. Reading is a great escape from all the bullshit you are suffering through (I clearly forgot this and was reunited on my vacation)

6. Birch Box is something everyone needs to subscribe to, because it always arrives when you need it (bad days, PMS, just hating life in general)

7. To be kind, because you have no idea the battles and struggles other people are facing

8. That I loathe flip flops, but would sell my mother for some great vintage jewelry

9. That adult temper tantrums exist and can be brought on by awful pants and lack of air conditioning

10. To never go to trendy pop-up anything in the city because you will end up wanting to punt it (Spruce Street Harbor, I’m looking at you … bathroom passes … pssshh)

What To Do When You Have No Plans

2c64ff0a792e3be6dbc5c229f1af2deeBecause I have absolutely no concept of time, someone alerted me to the fact that Labor Day was around the corner, meaning now, and I was dumbfounded. Like Summer 2013, where did you go?

Now, does anyone else get heart palpitations when a large chunk of time is staring at you and you have nothing to do with it? Or is that just me? I will be the first to admit that I hate being alone. So you can understand my anxiety about this weekend and how I have nothing to do.

But I decided something. Summer 2013, for me at least, was shit. I’m so ready for it to fade to black and have its sister, Autumn enter stage right. So I’m going to take this 3-day weekend and dedicate it to me, because I am single, childless, in my 20′s and can do shit like this. I’m not saying I’m going to get my hurr and nails did, get a massage, pop a bottle of Veuve for funsies. Nope, I’m talking about supreme decompression and doing things that will make me feel good inside and out … and not in a cosmetic way.

So if you are plans-less, like me, and need some inspiration, here are a few of my Labor Day activities, ahem:

1. Pimp out my blog: Yes, it has been over 2 years … it is time I get big girl hosting and do a complete redesign. There is a lot of boring, technical back-end stuff that needs to be done, so I’m going to saddle up and try and figure it out. GoDaddy … be prepared for frantic phone calls.

2. Become One With Netflix: I know, I know … it’s the last weekend of summer, I should be living it up outside, frolicking in the ocean … blah, blah, blah. Listen, I’m not even close to being tan. Not trying to get all wrinkled up for one summer fling, am I right? So yes, I’m going to cuddle up with Netflix and catch up on some movies and shows that I’ve been dying to watch. I.E. House of Cards.

3. Surround Myself With Fantastic People: Clearly I’m not going to spend the weekend like a recluse, duh … I told you I don’t like to be alone. But allowing yourself to be around people who are positive and love you for being you is the best thing you can do for yourself.

4. Spoon My Kitten: If you haven’t seen my numerous Instagram pics, and have seen and them and haven’t unfollowed me yet, I am a new cat mommy … and this little two month monster needs love and attention. #CatLady

5. Dive Head First Into Fall: Mmm, Fall fashion. It’s time to reinvent myself … and by reinvent myself, I mean buy as many pairs of boots as I possibly can. I’m ready for crisp, fall air … my wardrobe … isn’t. That means I need to go get lost in the mall for a bit. If I don’t come back after a few hours … don’t send a search party, I probably just fell asleep in a pile of leather boots or something.

6. Not Go Anywhere Near Made In America Fest: Crowds. Woof.

7. Kick It In My Backyard: Do you know they sell baby pools for like $5 at Five and Below? Because they do. Signature cocktails. Backyard lounging. Sunshine. Baby pool. A little slice of heaven.

8. Diet who now?: Yeah … diet shmiet … come September I’ll start counting my calories. Until then … it’s all about carbs on carbs on carbs.

9. Sleep: ZzzzZZZZZZzzzz, step 1 of a fantastic beauty routine. Catch up on Z’s and then get cocktails with them and take them home for a night cap. I’m not kidding … I’m going to pretend sleeping until 11 a.m. is totally the social norm and I will tell my mental alarm clock to suck it.

10. Live: Doing something that kicks your heart rate up a notch is the healthiest thing you can do. Not sure what my “live” moment will be just yet, but stepping outside of your comfort zone is not only freeing, but healthy. Get a tattoo, have a cocktail or 5 at lunch, sky dive, explore a new part of the city alone … it will be worth the rush.
With that being said, I hope everyone has a fantastic and safe Labor Day Weekend, no matter if you are shakin’ your ass with Beyonce or spooning a cat.

Putting An End To The White Lies

Ahh Labor Day … the sweet demise of summer. This weekend is usually filled with people getting their last kicks with the color white … walking around in their white pants, with the white tank top and the white jewelry with the white sandals and the white hat. What? I mean seriously … let’s take a moment and think about this. White … IS A COLOR. Just a neutral color. It would be one thing if people walked around this weekend getting their last kicks with their hammer pants … but a color? Really?

I think it is ABSOLUTELY one of the most outdated fashion etiquette rules that exist. I mean if you are going to ban a color or color family after Labor day … PLEASE do me a favor and make it pastels and neons … no one should be wearing those colors in the fall/winter quite frankly … or ever. But that is neither here nor there. What I’m saying is … I’m putting an end to all of this, “oh Jesus … it is Labor Day weekend and I have to get my last white wardrobe kicks in before the clock strikes 12, otherwise I will have to disrobe immediately in order to not commit the ultimate fashion etiquette sin” bullshit.

First of all, where the hell did this stupid rule come from? Summer is a time of year when the heat rises and people need ways to keep their body temperatures down, so wearing white was a good way to do that back in the day when central air wasn’t an option for everyone. Also, people didn’t walk around looking like slobs like we do today. They were very proper with the whole 9 … hats, gloves, big poofy skirts, lace socks, heels … and during a heat wave, I can imagine that to not be a very comfortable look to pull off. But henceforth why white was such a genius idea … it didn’t attract the sun as much! So you got to stay cool while looking sharp and chic.

Why this makes no sense now: It is a little thing called global warming. I mean God damn, a hurricane just hit New Jersey, Pennsylvania and New York City last weekend … a HURRICANE. There was a tornado in my town that same weekend … and OH YEAH that little earthquake that traveled up and down the east coast two weeks ago … ahh yes. It ain’t like it used to be folks. Just because summer is technically over doesn’t mean September and October are not ragingly hot months … because for the past couple of years they have been. I might only be speaking for the northeast here … but honestly, we don’t have to sit on the porch at night with hand-made fans, shooting the shit with our neighbors as we stare up at the stars. It is the 21st century and MOST people have central air and if not they own a God damn fan, and if not … well … that is why Starbucks was invented with free wireless. So with all of that being said … keep on truckin’ with the white wardrobe folks.

And honestly, as much as I want to say that most of the general public walks around this earth in lovely outfits 24/7 looking socially appropriate … I cannot because that would make me a dirty liar. Seriously, the general public tends to dress like slobs or as far away from formal as they can get. And since we have no filter for what is appropriate to wear to the super market  compared to what is appropriate to wear whilst sitting on your couch on a lazy sunday, scratching your ass and watching a Keeping Up With The Kardashians marathon … I say this officially eliminates this rule yet again.

Listen, I am a firm believer that you should be able to wear what you want, when you want if it makes you feel like a million bucks. So if you have a pair of white slacks or a white blazer that you die for, DO NOT feel weird wearing them to the office or out on the town after today. I almost passed on buying a white blazer because of this stupid restrictive rule and then I realized, hey, I don’t even know where this originated from and at the end of the day … IT IS A COLOR. I think white is a very flattering, chic and romantic color that should be rocked all year. A classic white dress or suit is forever … and I think Coco Chanel would agree with me there.

So, if some jackass says anything to you about wearing white since it is after L-Day … tell them it is the 21st century and because of a little thing called global warming and people dressing like slobs ruining it for all of us for decades … you can wear white whenever the eff you want. So please don’t be that guy this weekend wearing the all white outfit just because some idiot told you that you will look like a fool if you wear it after today. THAT is not okay.