Sorry I Can’t Go Out, I’m Shaving My Legs
The idea of showering is so relaxing, right? Getting in your clean tub, scrubbing off the dirt and grime of the day, soothing scents like lavender floating about. Glorious, right? Even taking baths seems like a treat (except I will only take baths in really nice hotels, only … don’t ask me why … most tubs skeeve me), but I’ve always wanted to fill my tub up with lemon slices and just chill.
But in the summertime, showering gets a little less relaxing due to a little thing called excess leg hair. Now, don’t get me wrong, I do shave my legs in the winter, but I half ass it 100%. If you do take the time to thoroughly shave your legs in the winter, well … hmm what’s that sound, you ask? That is me shaking my shame stick at you. Take advantage! For the love …
I personally have rather long legs :::hair flip::: To some that may be considered an envy-worthy quality, but quite frankly, during the months of sweltering heat and short skirts, I would like to chop them off.
Shaving my legs is literally the last thing I do whilst showering (I know you all REALLY needed to know that). I don’t know why, but the idea of flinging my leg to the side of my tub and covering it with body wash (because I never have shaving cream), exhausts me.
There is nothing fun about shaving your legs. Nothing. You can’t even turn on music and rock out whilst doing it, because you will get cut, and you will bleed. You have to make sure your legs are properly coated in whatever kind of shaving cream you use otherwise you will be plagued with a little thing called razor burn (woof), then you have to move in some contortionist fashion to grab your razor on the other size of the tub. And then the fun begins, as you try to balance on one leg … yes one leg … while holding a device that could be considered a weapon. Cool.
Sorry for the Seinfeld moment here, but what is the deal with razors?! Why do they all have to be pastels? Huh? I don’t get it. Men get these cool silver razors with different speeds and we get Susie Sunshine’s razor? Bullshit. Just because it is pink with pretty little flowers on it, doesn’t make me want to hop in the tub and spend my evenings smiling and removing the hair from my legs and thanking Jesus Christ I’m a woman. No. It infuriates me. If Schick made an all black razor with skulls all over it, I would totally invest. Just a thought. Because the idea of dragging a sharp razor blade up my leg just so I don’t offend people with my leg hair doesn’t equal frolicking in a field of daisies, let’s be real.
And no matter what, I cut myself. Always. I could be going as slow as possible, concentrating and balancing on one leg like a boss, and I ALWAYS tend to bleed. I’ve literally ruined every white towel that I own. I even get the razor that promises to not cut you and I still walk out of the shower with a line of blood dripping down my leg. Sexy, right?
The worst days are the ones where you are going to a pool party or the beach and have to shave it all. Like ankle to thigh. Woof. Nothing is the worse than ankle to thigh shaving. I literally have to block off like an extra 15 minutes in the shower to do a thorough and complete job. Because if you don’t think you have hair on your upper thigh … you’re a damn fool. It’s there. And it’s fierce.
So what I’m saying is, let’s stop shaving our legs, ladies! To HELL with those pastel razors. FEMINISM! YAY!
Juuuuuuuuuuust kidding, body hair isn’t okay. Ever. But seriously, Schick, black razor with skulls all over it. Make it happen.