My Mom Rules – 2015 Edition

May 10, 2015.Reading time 2 minutes.

So first and foremost, Happy Mother’s Day to all you ridiculously special ladies out there. I think of my friends who are new moms and women who have been in my life that have raised a whole household of people who do actual good for society … and it amazes me. But … like I say every year, and MAYBE, just MAYBE I’m biased … my mom is the best. There. I said it.

My mother, who I am mildly obsessed with, is everything to me. I wouldn’t be here dazzling you with my words on the reg without her love, support, and encouragement. But to be honest, I loathe listing out the reasons why I adore her so much, as I feel it is all a bit, clique … all very true, but clique. And, not to mention, she gets MORTIFIED when I write about her. (Love ya, ma)

I like to think I keep her young, as she had me when she was 40 years old … a son about to go to college and a daughter shortly on her way to do the same. Now … :::mumbles::: years later … she hands down has a cooler wardrobe than me. Like for example, yesterday, she just got a shoe delivery from F21. What?

I’m going to keep this short and sweet, and instead let you enjoy some pics of my mother and I throughout the years (because if words mortify her I’m sure she’ll just love me sharing pics with you all … again, love ya, ma).

So kick your feet up today, ladies who have birthed and raised some kids. You deserve it … and THEN some. So pour yourself a cocktail (or 5) and celebrate how awesome you are.

This is called I just graduated college, got drunk and rocked out to the Rolling Stones with my mom

Me and my mom pre-Senior prom (I still die for my dress)

Straight chillin’ on a hammock in the 80’s

I mean … hello world, I was fat

I am so smart … s-m-r-t

Reasons I Adore My Mom

May 10, 2014.Reading time 4 minutes.

This picture was taken at West Point either in the late 80’s or early 90’s. Pay no attention to me, I look a hawt mess, per usual, but how chic is my mama, right?! :::coughing::: years later, and some things don’t change

1. For never making us wear “Mother & Daughter” outfits from Talbots

2. Her sick obsession with rugs, baskets, and anything in a rustic red color

3. For never putting a leash on me when we went to the mall

4. For never licking her thumb and then removing “shmutz” from my face in front of my friends

5. For never telling any of my friends, “There are no rules in this house, okay. I’m not like other moms, I’m a hip mom, I’m a cool mom.” And in the same breath, for never rocking Juicy Couture or other inappropriate outfits.

6. For eye rolling people who always look “crisp” and put together whilst wearing white, no matter what … even if ketchup or mustard or other stain-prone condiments were present

7. For giving me “the treatment” every time I stayed home from school, including coloring books, slurpees, snacks, and a sweet setup on the couch … even if I wasn’t 100% sick

8. For blessing me with my Rolling Stones addiction, going to see them in the 4th row, in hot yellow pants, and touching Keith Richards

9. For teaching me that if wine bottles don’t have a cork, they are probably rubbish

10. And last … but certainly not least, how she refers to everything as a “machine.” Machine=remote control, Machine=pen, Machine=cat, Machine=oven, Machine=pretzel … it’s genius

Every year I write about how much my mom rocks … how could I not? In fact when I told her I was writing this post, she said, “Why?! No! Write about your Nana!” We are so much alike it is scary, because if I had a daughter who had a blog, I would probably say the same thing. It’s like how she hates having her photo taken … as do I (blame the lack of selfies on her … or thank her, either or).

But I have/had a lot of brilliant women in my life who have helped mold me … and this blog. My aunt, and God mother, reminds me I’m blessed every single time I see her. My Mom’s mom (Nana) was a chic hair stylist, and I feel I get some of my love of style from her. My Dad’s mom (Mimi) went to fashion school, and I still have her mannequin she made clothes on, which we call “Maude.” My great aunt (Aunt Rose) was a Rockette, and sparked my love for high heels. Quite frankly any woman in my mom’s family was a strong Italian broad who lived a very delicious (all AMAZING cooks), full, and wrinkle-free lives (seriously great skin … fingers crossed I get those genes), and my sister, well, she is the strongest woman I know … hands down.

I realize you don’t know these ladies … and you may be yawning reading this. But I wouldn’t be who I am today without every single one of them. And I encourage all of you to tip your caps to all the ladies in your lives that helped mold you into the powerful, fierceless beast you are today

Happy Mother’s Day!

*See Mom, I didn’t embarrass you THAT much, right? Love you all the stars in the sky!

Mother’s Day: Real Talk

May 6, 2014.Reading time 5 minutes.

When I was little, buying my mom a present for Mother’s Day was easy. I could draw her something, make her something out of macaroni, give her a coupon book for hugs (I know, I was SUPER creative), or even get my siblings to sign my name to their gift (not that I EVER did that mom, never ever :::shifty eyes:::). And then you grow up, start making your own money and no longer are Crayola-sponsored gifts appropriate.

But you know what else isn’t appropriate for Mother’s Day? Anything that is being shown in commercials. It’s infuriating actually. No, my mom probably wouldn’t get jazzed over new towels. And she would probably punt an “open heart necklace” from Kay Jewelers. And I mean I might consider an Edible Arrangement, except the minute you want to dip a piece of fruit in chocolate, the price goes up by a million dollars.

Basically, according to commercials, moms want really tacky jewelry that looks fancy but isn’t … because supposedly “every kiss begins with Kay” … woof, food their kids will probably end up enjoying more than them, and stuff for the home. What? If and when I ever become a mother and I’m gifted anything for the home, like a vacuum cleaner for example, is the day I turn into the Incredible Hulk and start destroying shit. Fire balls would explode in to my eyes.

So instead of this bullshit we are being fed, I decided to come up with some really cool, authentic gifts for mom that will totally win you the coveted “favorite child award.” Because moms ain’t what they used to be. They are doing it all … kicking ass, taking names, and making a beautiful life for themselves and their family. That’s what women DO. And because of that fact, they deserve Dolce … not Dyson.

1. Classy Cocktails: Put down the bottle of wine that was on sale at your local liquor store, for the love of God. Get dressed up and take your mama out to a restaurant or bar that serves fancy cocktails (and no, anything with “well” liquor in it doesn’t constitute as “fancy” … sorry, bro). If a cocktail is more than $10, so be it. When it Rome …

2. OMG. SHOES: It’s true, ladies LERVE shoes. But instead of getting that pair of Keds your mom so desperately wants for her commute, maybe purchase a pair that she has been lusting over but would NEVER buy for herself. Even if she just struts are the house in them, a pretty pair of shoes can always brighten someones day. Am I right?

3. Plan An Adventure: My God mother always told me that “memories” are the best gift. So plan a day at a winery, get bombed with your mom. Go see a play. Explore a new part of your town. Plan a “couch potato day” where all you do is watch bad TV, eat greasy food and chat. Make a memory … you’ll always have it. (Damn, I’m getting sappy). Plan a spa day, but not a gift certificate, a day for you AND your mom to go together.

4. Birch Box: This is the Mother’s Day gift that keeps on giving. Not only will they get a box full of goodies every month, but they might just find their next go-to product, leaving the reminder behind each month that you are the best child on the planet.

5. Jewels Glorious Jewels: I swear to God, if any of you give anything to your mother’s from Jared or Kay or any of those other cheesy ass jewelry stores and you are an adult, SHAME. SHAME. SHAME. SHAME. Listen, if you’re going to get your mom diamonds, you should probably spend more than $99.99. Just sayin’. Go big or go home. That doesn’t mean all jewelry is out of the question, though. There are sooooooo many great statement pieces out there from Anthropologie to your local vintage store. You know what your mom likes, now go out there and get it. If you don’t well … SHAME. SHAME. SHAME. SHAME.

Listen, I realize I don’t know your mamas. Only you know her like the back-of-your hand. But try and think outside of the box. They deserve it, and you deserve to give your brain a little creative workout.

My Mom Is Better Than Yours … 2013 Edition

May 12, 2013.Reading time 4 minutes.

Yes … as you can tell by the photo to the left, I am about four feet taller than my mother. She is this petite, Mick Jagger-esque, 5’4 sassy Italian broad, and I’m a 5’9 half Italian, half Irish monster (thanks, Dad) who is wearing four-inch heels in this photo.

So happy Mother’s Day to all you fab ladies out there. I honestly don’t know how you do it. First of all, as a 26-year-old lady, the idea of having children right now freaks me out to the point where if someone asks me if one day I might want to have kids, my immediate jerk reaction is a “deer in headlights” blank stare followed by slowly but surely backing away from the conversation. But who knows, that may change one day. What do you want from me, I’m 26 and selfish right now. But honestly, the walking around for nine months carrying the kid, the not drinking whilst preggo, then the awful child-birth (I unfortunately have an older sister with two kids who felt it necessary to give me all the nitty-gritty details … YOWZA), and then having the responsibility of making sure that one day said child can become a respectable and prominent member of society … I mean, my God. You don’t just deserve a glass of wine today … take the bottle to the face, ladies!

Yes, today is about showering the ones who raised us, nurtured us, and still allows us to crawl into bed with them while in the midst of emotional breakdowns (not that I do that or anything :::shifty eyes:::). But I think today is a pretty damn good excuse to admire all women out there who do great things in life. Whether you are an aunt, a God Mother, a sister, momma to a dog/cat, a best friend, a co-worker, a humanitarian, you do things to make other people/animals better, whether you know it or not. So I’m tippin’ my cap to all the ladies out there today.

BUT … back to my original point … my mom is the best. You may disagree politely, which I respect, and I won’t bore you with the details of why that statement is 100% accurate, but it’s true because none of this would have been possible without her love and support. I would have never taken a such a strong interest in fashion if it wasn’t for her subscribing to every fashion magazine known to man for most of my life, and to this day still having a better wardrobe than me. I would have never known how to express my personal style if it wasn’t for her pushing me to explore different things whilst shopping. And I would have never known what a strapless bra is … and therefore I would have never known how badly life sucks in it.

So mom, thanks for giving birth to me, at age 40, in Camden, N.J. (calm down … it was in a hospital you freaks), … aaaaand I’m sorry I was like two weeks late, I clearly didn’t want to leave your womb. Hell, I still don’t really enjoy being all out in the open. But thanks for being you … because otherwise I wouldn’t be me.

And don’t worry, I won’t tell Kelly & Mark (my sibs) that I’m your favorite. It’s totally cool … your secret is safe with me!

LAH YA MA!

Life Sucks In A Strapless Bra

Tag: Mother’s Day