What’s Up With My Face?

d-6829Can I just say one of the most overwhelming things in life happens to be figuring out what kind of skincare regiment you should use on your face? Dear. God. Do you have oily skin? Dry skin? A combination perhaps? Is your skin overly red? Having breakouts? Are your eyes puffy? What about your jawline? I mean …

Because it would be far too expensive and time consuming to try out all these different, insane options for every centimeter of my skin, I rely heavily on major fashion publications to tell me the best skincare products to use. But even then, the options make me dizzy. 

Maybe it is life in general or added stress … but my face has been a hot mess as of late. Breakouts, redness, dry patches … I mean the works. And for a girl who NEVER had acne problems before in her LIFE to start having them at age 28 is a cruel, cruel joke, God. Seriously. Like we don’t have enough to deal with. Now I’m rubbing shoulders with 15-year-old nerds in the acne cream aisle. 

That’s when I realized I don’t really have a “skincare regiment” and dear God, my makeup brushes haven’t been washed in months, and holy shit, maybe the body wash I use in the shower shouldn’t be the only thing I use to wash my face (I know, I’m awful). I mean … no wonder I look like a pubescent teen. Yes, stress is probably a HUGE factor and maybe the fact that I had my period that week had something to do with it as well (hi gents reading this), but this is when it hit me: Just because I moisturize my face after I wash it doesn’t mean I’m “taking care of it.” Oh yeah … and I’m a lazy, lazy bitch.

So I started doing my research. Best moisturizers. Best face cleansers. Best way to clear up irritated skin. And guess what? I was overwhelmed. My heart was pounding, I got dizzy, I had to take a timeout for snacks and water. So instead I started searching through my favorite brands (all found at Ulta or drug stores because ain’t nobody got time to play around with $300 moisturizers from the tears of angels). Aveeno. Garnier. Neutrogena. Kiehls (okay maybe not a drugstore brand, but God I die for one of their products). Brands that I’ve relied on and grown old-ish with. And you know what? I actually found products that I adore. 

So while I’m well aware that we all have different skin types and different budgets, here are a few of my favorite products that have been a life changer for my hot mess face. 

1. Garnier Moisture Rescue Refreshing Gel Cream for Dry Skin: This stuff not only makes you look hydrated and glorious, it also feels amazing when you apply it. Nice and cold. Perfect if you are a little hungover, especially under the eyes. I can’t get enough of this shit, and always put too much on because I lerve it.

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2. Aveeno Positively Radiant Brightening Cleanser: No more using my body wash to clean my face in the shower for this guy. Nope. I now feel like I’ve officially become an adult. Anyways … I’ve been using this jazz for about a week and already my skin looks less red, has less blemishes, and just looks … well … radiant. At least I think so :::flips hair:::

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3. Facial Fuel Eye De-puffer: Okay, this isn’t found in a drugstore, but I mean a girl is allowed to splurge, back off. I gotta say this is one of my most favorite products for my face. And if you put it on before bed, you will wake up and your eyes WILL NOT be puffy. Amazing, right? Allergies, hangovers, crying over idiots and stupid situations, life in general? No remanence of that shit will be left under your eyes after using this stuff.

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4. Miss Spa Brightening Facial Mask: Because my skin turned into such a disaster area, I decided it wouldn’t be a bad idea to use a face mask once a month or every two weeks. And Ulta has a brand called “Miss Spa” that has a ton of options for different types of skin. I was a little hesitant since they were kind of cheap … but the end result was fantastic. My skin felt clean and refreshed … just like I had gone to an actual spa … but really was Instagramming funny pics of me wearing said face mask in my bedroom.

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5. Neutrogena Makeup Remover Cleansing Towelettes: But I thought you already washed your face? Well, if you’re anything like me, your towels are covered in mascara and eyeliner stains from your actual face cleanser failing to remove it all. Hence why a backup is necessary to tackle those waterproof bastards covering your eyes. Sometimes you’ll do anything and everything to go back to looking like a gargoyle after a long day simply to reapply it the next day. Sigh. 

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Psst … Hey Skin, You Aren’t 13 Anymore

When I was little, 5 or 6, I would watch Saved By The Bell, Full House, Family Matters and all the other great shows that explained to me the TV version of what becoming a teenager was all about. You were either super rad and super chic with tons of friends, or you were super smart, or you were the biggest nerd in the world with no friends, bad clothes and acne for days. So I couldn’t help but wonder if I would just miraculously blossom into a super model or would I become this awkward figure of life roaming around the school halls.

Well … let’s just say I wasn’t strutting around any catwalks when I turned 13. I was incredibly tall and disturbingly thin. My teeth were so busted that I not only had braces for almost 3 years, but a palette expander (hot right) that made me talk like an idiot … like saying my own name was a challenge. My limbs were too long for my body and yeah … my hair turned overnight from soft waves into tight kinky curls that I had no idea what to do with besides slicking it back, when all the rest of the “cool” girls had this fabulously flowing straight hair.

As much as I am making it seem that I was Screech from Saved by the Bell, my teenage years weren’t as bad as they could have been. I started transforming my style, a.k.a. having taste, and reading fashion magazines. And my favorite part of all … I got a blemish once in a blue moon. And it wasn’t on the tip of my nose or on my cheek or somewhere super embarrassing. It was always on my chin or on the side of my face and never really that atrocious to deal with. I knew people who bought stock in Proactive, had to go on more intense medications that God for bid you ever got knocked up because your child would have three heads or something … that is how crazytown strong it was. I mean people have scars from bad acne, yet I walked away with a pimple here and there … nothing that really kept me up at night.

And now I’m 25, you would think I was in the clear. My body, for the most part, has stopped changing, I survived being a teenager. Yet, for the love of Christ … the older I get, the worse my skin becomes. Like what kind of backwards ass nonsense is this. I realize your skin changes every so many years … blah, blah, blah … whatever. That doesn’t stop me from thinking this whole situation is bullshit. I’ve gone years with not having to deal with acne treatments and now I may have to start … at 25! Well … I wouldn’t call what I have “acne,” more like irritations and blemishes.

I find myself standing in the face wash aisle with all of the acne treatments with teenagers comparing and contrasting bottles they read were the best of the best in Teen Vogue or Tiger Beat with their parents. “Yeah mom, Justin Bieber TOTES uses Neutrogena … but so does that bitch Selena Gomez … we CAN’T get that.” “But OH this bottle is pretty and Suzi uses it, please Mom, PLEASE … AHHHHH.” My GOD … is there a Jack Daniels aisle … or wait am I in the wrong place? But from my understanding, 25-year old-women should NOT have to rub shoulders with teenagers over acne problems.

So starting to look at blemish treatments for the first time is ridiculously overwhelming. I thought there were a lot of choices for makeup but Jesus. Do you have oily skin, dry skin, combination skin, irritated skin, damaged skin, anti-wrinkle shit until the cows come home … I mean where do you begin!? Sure, probably at a Dermatologist, but they are going to give me some medicated nonsense, and quite frankly I’m just not there yet. And I refuse to give Proactive a dime because the brand, as a whole, bothers me. I don’t know why … it just does.

And sure, facials can be relaxing to some, but not for me. Of course it feels awesome for a person to massage your temples, put steam and warm towels on your face as you drift into la-la land. But the aftermath when you open your eyes and get the verdict on how royally screwed your skin is … so not worth it. I remember the woman who gave me my facial turned the lights on, handed me a glass of water with lemon and then started rattling off all the shit that was wrong and all of the products I should use to fix it. A bazillion dollars later (that I didn’t spend because I know their end game, I’m on to you people who give facials) I spent the next week with a broken out face since getting a facial means they are pulling all the bad stuff out, which equals breakouts. Is an hour of relaxation worth a week of having to apply WAY too much coverup and foundation so people don’t know you turned into crater face? Um … I think not.

So at 25 (did I mention I’m 25), I start my search for the overpriced blemish creams and comparing and contrasting what works and what does not. How annoying is that? I came so far, and yet when I thought I was in the clear … I started to break out. Sigh. Things could be worse of course, but I will tell you my little secret on how to fight blemishes. Rubbing alcohol. I live and breathe for the stuff. Sure I tried all the Neutrogena treatments since that brand is notorious for being gentle on the skin … yet I found my skin breaking out more and getting insanely dried out. A little dab of rubbing alcohol over blemishes does wonders … take my advice.

In the meantime, guess I should go to a middle school and consult the kids on what is cool to use to fight blemishes. FML.