Confession Of A Girl In A Rush

Okay, so in the morning, we all do a lot of crazed things for the sake of getting from A to B on time and in one piece. For example, I set my alarm for 6:40, but snooze and do not get out of bed sometimes until 7:30 … I know, crazytown. I consider that half hour and some change my chance to wake up.

But those extra snoozes lead me to rush and become frazzled and forgetful, making me do crazed thinks like put deodorant in the car while I’m driving, take my allergy medicine while I’m driving, answer emails and texts … NOT … while I’m driving … for any police authorities that may be reading. You know what, just steer clear of me driving in the morning, but that is neither here nor that.

But regardless, today I woke up, reviewed the weather and realized that it was going to be 70 degrees and sunny. Mortified at how pale my legs were, I still decided to expose them to natural sunlight and wear a dress to work. I don’t know about you but the first time I wear a dress to work sans stockings I feel a little, you know, slutty? It fades within hours, but every year, I’m always paranoid about the skank factor. But again, neither here nor there.

So I dusted off my most tasteful midseason dress and realized I could wear my open toed booties with it, which made me ecstatic because I covet them. So I got dressed, put them on and realized my toes were not painted, cue fail horn from the Price is Right. First thing is first. I hate feet. I hate what shoes and stilettos do to our feet, I just loathe them. But I do love getting massaged, so I treat myself to pedicures every so often. But again, just like how I get the skank factor when I don’t wear stockings for the first time, the first time I rock sandals or open toed shoes is just as weird. D0n’t ask me why, it just is.

So my toes were not pained, they were kept but not painted, the thought of not wearing nail polish on my toes bothered me, but I could not pass up this opportunity to rock my fav pair of booties. So what did I do? I literally was at the point in my morning where I knew if I didn’t get my ass in my car in the next 5 minutes, I was going to be obnoxiously late to work. So, and as embarrassing as this is, I kept my booties on and only painted the first 3 toes that were exposed. I did a lovely job too, for what it is worth.

All the way to work I kept thinking about what a freaking hill billy I was for doing that, but also how it is kind of genius. I mean no one would EVER know, unless you have a really super annoying co-worker that tracks and observes your every God damn move, but if they notice something like this you MAY want to consider a restraining order or a little chat with HR, just saying.

But if you are in a rush, need to rock a certain pair of shoes, don’t have the time to give yourself a proper pedicure, what is wrong with slapping on a quick coat of cute color? Even saying that statement I again thought about what a hill billy I sound like, but honestly, girls do dire things in a time crunch, especially when you don’t want to give up hope on busting out your favorite spring shoes. And this was probably the most hysterical one I’ve done to date. I mean I’ve applied blush and makeup in the car and had people next to me look like I was freaking insane, I’ve plucked my eye brows minutes before walking out the door … you name it and in a time crunch I’ve done it.

So if you’ve ever considered doing this but thought to yourself, “dear God, how white trash of me,” and just worn another pair of shoes, never fear, I broke that mold, so go for it girls. Hill Billy is the new black, you heard it here first.



You Say Goodbye … I Say Hello.

When I walked out of my house this morning, there was a familiar feeling in the air. A twinge of a chill that will forever remind me of going back to college or school in general. This is the time of year, for me at least, when change is the name of the game. Weather is cooling down, and like the tectonic plates decided to move and cause extreme chaos up and down the east coast yesterday (by the way, was I the only one that didn’t feel the earth move?), our closets will all go into transition mode.

But I’ve never understood those people at the end of a season who decide to move all of their winter clothes into Tupperware boxes or those dismal vacuum space saver bags and store in the attic for next winter to make room for spring and summer clothes. A. I don’t like the idea of Tupperware or vacuuming my clothing into plastic, B. I don’t trust leaving my clothes in a dark, damp, and weird space where God only knows what could happen to them … ick C. I like all of my clothing in one place … so what if I need super human strength to move through my closet, at least I know a random animal or colony of bugs living in my attic secretly didn’t eat them for dinner.

So if you are looking at all of your fantastic summer clothing and getting a bit depressed knowing that all the colors and frills will be retired after Labor Day … just … stop. Goodbyes suck, so why bother.

What To Salvage:

Summer Dresses: Since bright, vibrant colors are all the rage this fall, it is absolutely acceptable to keep these around. Strapless, spaghetti strap, one strap, crazy straps … or whatever other strap dresses you have acquired, throw on a pair of tights, a fierce pair of heels, a cute blazer and hello fall look, how you doin’?

Shorts: There is nothing more that I love in life than a pair of shorts with a great pair of tights underneath them, a cardigan and a pair of flats. Not only is it ridiculously comfy, but very retro chic. Perhaps this wouldn’t work with your jean booty shorts, but I always say, if your finger tips reach the end of the shorts, they are fair game to wear.

Maxi Everything: Parting WOULD be such sweet sorrow with my maxi dresses and skirts that I have collected, so I refuse. Even though they are beach frolicking and heat wave friendly, with a blazer and the right accessories you have yourself a lovely fall look. Ok maybe you might need to say farewell to the tropical print ones, but the solid colors I say keep around for the fall foliage.

Open Toed Booties: I know I’ve acquired a lot of fierce open toed shoes for the summer nights out, and when the weather gets a bit nippy, I know the urge to rescue your toes to warmth is overwhelming, but relax. Even the strappiest of strappy heels can be transitioned to fall and winter by rocking tights with them. Even socks are apparently socially acceptable to wear with heels now (even though I’m still on the fence on how I feel about this topic … more to come later).

Tank Tops: For the love of everything holy … tank tops are so versatile … yet they are such a symbol of sweltering heat and the summer months. When it doubt, no matter what time of year, if you find a cute tank top … BUY IT. Fall, winter, spring, summer … you can rock them solo, with a blazer (can you tell blazers are a must have this season?), a cardigan, layered under shirts and sweaters etc. etc. etc. Play around with them … but know they can always be used. They are a valuable resource, in fact I have a specific drawer dedicated to them. Be a tank top hoarder … no one will judge, I promise.

Lesson learned: Just say no to retiring your wardrobe into dismal Tupperware coffins.