Making Love To The Camera … Wait … What?

Ugh. Pictures. I remember the good ol’ days in high school and college where if your friends didn’t have a charged camera out with you that night it was like the end of the freaking world. We were all huge camera whores … posing and what not, well more like drunkenly duckfacing, unfortunately. Now if a camera comes near me I turn into like Awkward McAckwardson. I don’t know what it is. Perhaps it is the trauma I caused myself looking at all of the god awful pictures throughout the years of me looking like a hot mess. Fine, I’ll be generous, 84% hot mess, 16% decent. It really isn’t my fault though … who takes pictures when you are sober in college … I mean really.

So tomorrow, in this cool “adult world” I live in … I have to get my photo taken for work purposes. Luckily it will be a really fun photo shoot, taken around a really cool,quaint town where we are supposed to let our personalities shine. Right … well when you are a bit camera-shy, like yours truly, this is a little nerve-wracking. I have a lot of personality … or so I think. But how to express that through a photograph? Who the frick knows. Should I wear my Sam Edelman studded stilettos? Sure, if I want a picture of myself lying face down on the ground after I bite it. Should I wear my over the knee boots? Sure, if I want my co-workers and clients to think I’m a straight up street-walker.

Listen, I’m a firm believer that in life there are photogenic people and non-photogenic people. And for the non-photogenic people there is a beautiful thing called Photoshop. Why are some people photogenic? I have no idea. Some people could look heinous in person but gorgeous in pictures and vice versa. What is the logic? For those of you who ARE photogenic … I loathe you. You just turn around and SNAP … perfection. For me it is more like … “wait, let me position my head the right way, and don’t take it from that side … and wait, wait, wait no, don’t do that side angle shot. No laughing pictures, I look like an out of control freak, and wait a second, my arm kind of looks like a sausage in that picture.” I mean … it is a God damn mess.

So what I’m going to try and do is become one with my inner … Cher or something. Hair flip and all … “hooooooo.” I don’t know how models do it, really. I mean moving constantly … jumping up and down and not looking like a fool. Acting surprised, then mad, then like a tiger. I really give them so much more credit than they deserve. Not that I’m comparing  what I’m doing tomorrow to a Vogue photo shoot or something (I wish). But I have a feeling if Vogue knocked on my door and said they wanted to do a spread on me I would immediately get my Kate Moss on.

As you can see I’m a bit apprehensive. It reminds me of that Sex and the City episode when Carrie goes to that photo shoot for the New Yorker, I do believe still drunk and hung over in like a wife beater and jeans and they photograph her looking like a flaming hot disaster area (see photo above).

In situations like these though, the awkward ones, when you are around good people like I am lucky enough to be, you just gotta laugh your way through it, have fun … and you know … embrace your inner Cher. Send Kate Moss vibes my way tomorrow, kay thanks!

Merry Christmas, Hap-py Hol-i-days (Nsync Style)

Merry Christmas, fantastic readers! I hope Santa was good to every single one of you. I’m going to be honest with you, it is a little difficult for me to write right now, for I am in sheer shoe ecstasy. What I found underneath my tree this morning was a pair of shoes that I have been lusting over for about a year and a half, only I would have never bought them for myself. They are completely impractical, completely over the top, but such a sincerely amazing surprise that it kind of brought tears to my eyes. Yes, I leaked a little over a pair of fabulous shoes.

The older I get, the more the presents don’t mean as much. It isn’t that I don’t like asking for things and finding them waiting for me wrapped up in a perfect bow on Christmas morning. But for me, more than anything, it is the enjoyment of being around the ones you love, as corny as it may sound. Things are things. At the end of the day, you can get these “things” any day of the week at any time. But the surprises and the little things you don’t ask for are absolutely the best kinds of presents to give. There definitely is a difference of asking for a specific lip gloss, in a specific shade, or just having someone you care about notice something you’ve been obsessed with, but haven’t pulled the trigger to purchase it for yourself. It honestly warms my heart and soul.

This week really has shown me that I am surrounded by a lot of love and support, including all of my fabulous readers. Merry Christmas, enjoy the day … eat, drink and drink some more!

Now if you will excuse me, I need to go spoon my fantastic shoes.