Target and Neiman Marcus? Send Up A Piece of Flair …

If there is a designer collection being showcased at Target … I say no thank you. Why? Because people who don’t like fashion or people who just crave designer labels for a ridiculously cheap price, even if it has a small “for Target” sign underneath it … ruin it for us all by hoarding it and or selling it on eBay to make a buck or two. It honestly disgusts me. I miss the days of walking into Target and being surprised by a fantastic Rodarte dress just hanging on the racks since no one knew who Rodarte was back in the day. Now it is like a God damn frenzy to get these collections and I, quite frankly, want nothing to do it with it.

I’m already preparing myself for the extreme relentless disappointment, but Target is partnering with Neiman Marcus in December to feature a collection 24 of my FAV designers. Marc Jacobs, DVF, Jason Wu, Proenza Schouler (the one I’m most excited for), Marchesa, and so many other jump up in mid-air because I’m excited-worthy designers … ahh. But again, if this collaboration had a theme song, it would probably be the fail horn from the Price is Right … already.

I’m not being a Debbie Downer about it … because if I could get my hands on some of these things, like oh I don’t know … a DVF wrap dress or a Judith Leiber clutch, I might be considered one of the happiest chicks on the planet. But having to deal with people scooping up as much Proenza Schouler as they can  just because they know it’s a designer label they could sell for triple the price makes me want to vom. I’m not saying that in a pretentious way but in a way that makes me sad for people who truly do have a respect for the designer.

And would I ever slap a bitch to get the garment I wanted? Hell no. Okay maybe over actual designer clothes that happen to be marked down quite a bit … and only at Barneys. Honestly, the thought of getting into a fist fight and or verbal argument and or sleeping outside of a Target to be the first one to run at high speeds into the store when it opens makes me squirm a bit. Hello, white trash … what up. If it is meant to be yours, it will be yours … no need to pull hair, call names, and have a tug of war with the dress … for crying out loud.

My next question is … what the hell are you thinking, Neiman Marcus, partnering with Target? Neiman is high-end and endless class. Seriously their “sale” prices are things I still would have to save up for months and months to buy. And I get it, you want to make the Neiman Marcus brand obtainable to everyone in America … but the fun about Neiman is … it ISN’T obtainable. That’s the store you walk into drooling over a pair of $3,000 boots and say to yourself, “one day … I’m going to walk in here and buy these for myself … because I will be able to without living in a van down by the river after.” It’s a store for fashion dreamers … well the ones that aren’t loaded at least.

All I’m saying is … if I want Neiman Marcus and Neiman Marcus brands … I really would rather not bop down to my local Target, pick up a Marc Jacobs dress and then get some Tide because I ran out, maybe a new air freshener for my car, and oh yeah … maybe buy my cat some cat treats … and perhaps a Lean Cuisine because I’m starved. Christ. Love me some Target, don’t get me wrong, but Neiman Marcus and Target really don’t need to be in the same sentence or collaboration … ever.

And just a suggestion … since all the designers that will be shown in this collection are CFDA members, maybe … just maybe … they can do something about the eBay hoarders. Not sure what that is … but that would be awesome if they could put a stop to it. Maybe then I wouldn’t be such a negative Nancy about this whole ordeal. Am I seeing a future trendy ad campaign happening here or what?!

Even Can’t Handle The Missoni Collection

So yes, when I heard Missoni was doing a collection for Target, I may have jumped in mid-air and made a vow to myself that I would sleep outside the front doors of my Target in order to get a slice of this collection (mind you this was back in like May or June). I say this for every designer collection that they have carried, but this time I meant it dammit, I meant it.

And then the mod styled advertising started with the mystery girls, you know, very Austin Powers-esque, dripping in Missoni from telephones, to bath towels, to tights, to dresses to literally anything else you can think of. It was all over the place! On TV, my magazines, blogs … everyone was talking about it (I mean that is the point of good advertising, right?) Hell, I sure was.

But in a way, all of this ruined it for me. I’ve seen real Missoni, up close and personal. I’ve touched it, I’ve tried it on and I’ve cried because you literally need to be a size negative zero and six feet tall to pull off anything this label has to offer without looking like a whale. Close to six feet tall, yes, close to negative zero … NEGATIVE. The prints, the colors, the zig zags … ain’t flattering, let me tell you.

I’m going to assume everything is sold out at Targets all over the country, in fact I know because I can’t even get on right now. So, let’s talk about this eBay business. Really? The bid for a piece of Missoni for Target luggage is up to $265?! REALLY?! A Missoni FOR TARGET sweater dress up to $152.50? WHAT?! And the best part is, if you search for actual Missoni pieces on eBay … they are around the same bidding price, give or take. Oh look, an authentic Missoni dress for $112.50. Seriously people, if you in such DIRE need for this collection that you will subject yourselves to eBay and pay whatever the hell these crazytown folks are asking for, do yourselves a favor, save up a bit more and get the real thing.

I’m not knocking Target, because I live for this store, but I gotta say this collection MIGHT just be over the top. Sure the colors are pretty and everything is super fun to look at and enjoy, but are we just fooling ourselves? I think it is fantastic that Target does collections like these because it opens them up to a whole new class of people who may not be able to afford the real thing, like me. I openly could never afford a real piece of Missoni, but apart of me kind of wishes that it would stay sacred … something to look forward to … something to lust after, you know? As cute as all of this jazz may be, I kind of don’t want the option of having a Missoni bath towel. Missoni is something delicate, beautiful and classic. Not something I want to dry off with.

Ugh … it pains me to be such a Debbie Downer about this collection, but some things in fashion should stay sacred.

The Not Pregnant Girl’s Guide To Target Maternity

Some Sundays are best spent wandering through Target, which as I have mentioned in a prior post, is what I did this past Sunday. Now, I used to have a significant issue buying clothing where one could also buy all of their groceries, tires in all shapes and sizes and a big screen TV. Maybe it was Target opening their arms to designers such as Rodarte, Missoni and John Paul Gaultier that changed my mind, who knows. I wouldn’t say my closet is overflowing with clothing from Target, but this store is definitely good for a few classic and eclectic pieces here and there.

I unfortunately had no luck in the women’s section, which was frustrating because I was in “impulse buy mode.” After contemplating a pink, floral dress and realizing, “right, I hate the color pink and floral print,” along with some other random shirts I didn’t like that much or need, I decided to throw in the towel and try my luck at the shoe department … until out of the corner of my eye I saw all of these colorful and cute dresses coming from the Maternity Section. I must have walked back and forth a couple of times until I just couldn’t resist taking the plunge into the land of baby bumps.

I bet you are thinking, “what the eff,” but I’m telling you, let it draw you in. There is no shame in looking, hell, you could be a couple of weeks preggo for all anyone is concerned. Leave the shame in the aisle because this is the secret garden of fantastic dresses and shirts. If you don’t want a cropped Beatles t-shirt, which I gotta say is so over done right now … give it a breather people, frolic yonder.

Since Fourth of July is behind us, we are now in this awkward stage where we still want to freshen up our wardrobes, yet the big shots in the fashion industry are slowly trying to give us fall looks already. But guess what, women who are pregnant in the summer don’t want to think about cardigans and flared jeans … they want flowing dresses that are comfortable and cute … a.k.a gold for us non-pregnant folk in a time where cute summer clothes are fading fast.

The sizing really isn’t an issue because extra smalls, smalls and even mediums tend to fit like normal clothing, except a little extra flowy (which isn’t a bad thing and happens to be quite en vogue). There are no crazy panels or neon, blinking signs that says, “Hello, this is a maternity dress, judge me!” And if you are worried, superstitious or just weirded out by buying maternity clothing … cut out the damn tag for the love of God.

I would tell you to go online and check out the selections before trekking to the store, but I despise Target’s photos on their site as they tend to look cheaper and less vibrant than they actually are … but is having to go to Target the worst thing?  So go with your girlfriends, it can be a fun little experiment along with lots of laughs. I’m telling you that you will walk away with a really great and comfortable, everyday dress that is just CRYING OUT to be accessorized.

Pregnant ladies, I apologize in advance for invading your “section,” but I believe in diversity in departments of stores … even when it comes to adding maternity clothing into my wardrobe when I am not even close to being with child.


Something I Would Sleep Outside For …

I’ll admit it, I have missed all of the great lines at Target due to laziness and forgetfulness … shame on me. Okay maybe one time I almost scored a John Paul Gaultier dress but it just wasn’t meant for me.

But starting on Sept. 13 ladies and gents … you can find me sleeping outside the doors of my local Target to get my hands on some Missoni garments and accessories. There is said to be a men’s, women’s, children’s and home wear collection coming from the Italian designer. Can you picture it now, every aspect of my life decked out in Missoni … sigh.

Why am I extra obsessed about this collection when I let some of my favorite designers for Target slip through my closet cracks? The classic Missoni colorful zigzag pattern is flawless, delicate and most importantly … timeless. I’m not talking about timeless in a Burberry plaid fashion since everyone, their mother and dog tend to have something Burberry printed across some aspect of their lives … but I’m speaking in one of a kind terms.

And those days when I have time to wander through the couture section of Nordstrom, I always keep my eye on those Missoni dresses, even though I know you need to be a negative five to look attractive in them since they show every nook and unforgiving cranky. I consider them pieces of Italian art that I would be more than pleased to hang a piece of in my closet.

Now I just need to find a sleeping bag, some pepper spray (for fear of creepers … sleeping outside in public is a dangerous feat my friends) and I will be the proud owner of a Missoni garment … hopefully … who is with me?!