Let’s Give Thanks, Shall We?

Screen Shot 2015-11-25 at 10.07.28 AMLast week I had a bit of a throwback moment where I got to color in a printed out piece of fruit and write what I’m thankful for inside of it … yes like we once did in preschool. Oddly enough it was insanely cathartic.

While I can’t supply you with printed out pieces of fruit due to the fact that I’m just not that tech savvy, I would like to bore you to death and share a few things that I’m thankful for since I’m feeling extra EXTRA thankful this year. No clue why, I just am. 

But don’t let my lack of tech knowledge stop you from getting creative and sharing what you’re thankful for, though. Put it out into the universe. Shout it from the social rooftops. Or just tell me, because I’m nosey and want to know, dammit. 

So with all of that being said, wishing all of my fantastic readers a very happy and carbolicious Thanksgiving.

1. Life Sucking In A Strapless Bra: if strapless bras weren’t the worst thing on the planet, I wouldn’t have so much joy in my life right now

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2. My family: I mean … duh … 

3. My work family: they are awesome and I’m so lucky to be apart of such a supportive and caring bunch of weirdos.

4. My cats: I just couldn’t imagine my life without them. OMG am I crying?! 

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5. My friends: you know who you are, and as much as I want to go old school “AOL profile” and list the select few of you that I adore, I’m an adult and that is weird. So you know who you are and all I can say is I can’t live … if livin’ is without you.

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6. Carbs and wine: Let’s make out later, kay?

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7. My career: this past year, especially through all the bullshit and really tough ups and downs, at this moment I can’t help but say “pinch me.” I’m so blessed for all of my opportunities and the people who have helped me get to where I am today. For real … this one may make me shed a tear. 

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8. My mom: I know, I know, I already said family, but I’m especially obsessed with my mother. She’s way more stylish than I will ever be and is pretty much the best human I know, inside and out. 

<This is the picture I would post of her if I knew she wouldn’t cut me>

9. My health: because I would feel like an asshole if I didn’t say that.

10. Tina Fey: … because she’s my spirit animal and mentor, except she doesn’t know it or know me. But it’s cool, Tina, we’ll catch up soon. You have my number, right? Cool? No? You don’t want it … aye yes. Right.

30 ROCK -- "The Beginning of the End" Episode 701 -- Pictured: Tina Fey as Liz Lemon -- (Photo by: Ali Goldstein/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images)
30 ROCK — “The Beginning of the End” Episode 701 — Pictured: Tina Fey as Liz Lemon — (Photo by: Ali Goldstein/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images)

Public Service Announcement: Don’t be a fucking idiot and drink and drive tonight. In fact stay home. It’s the amateur hour of drinking. So unless you want some poor bastard who never ever drinks, but decided to get his swerve on and down some kamikaze’s to end up vomiting all over you, I say stay home. 

My Thankfulness Runneth Over

First of all, Happy Thanksgiving to all of my fantastic readers. I have to say, besides my lovely family and friends that I am lucky enough to have in my life, I would say the next thing I am most thankful for would be this blog and the fantastic response I have been getting from all of you.

To get super sappy for a moment (I know, I know, I promise this will only take a second), this blog has been something I have wanted to do for years and years and years. And finally to make my vision a reality and have the opportunity to nurture it and watch it grow over these past few moments has been so fulfilling, overwhelming, emotional and so beyond my wildest dreams and expectations that I literally don’t even have a word for it … therefore I will call the whole experience SCRUMTRILSCENT!

Whew, I told you that blast of emotion would only take a second. Any who, to all of you who read along, comment, ‘LIKE’ me on Facebook, tell your friends and fam to read the Life Sucks In A Strapless Bra gospel, I just wanted to say how you guys rock beyond belief.

AND SCENE. 

In other news, here is what my day will consist of: Shower, dress extremely casual, figure out the appropriate time to have my first glass of wine, start noshing, hang out with the fam, “cook,” aka try to have my mom teach me how to cook from me watching her from the kitchen table, eat some more, continue drinking, have a proper Thanksgiving dinner with my fam, drown in a food comma on my couch, watch a Very Gaga Thanksgiving (so pumped) and probably fall asleep … if all goes according to plan.

Things I will not be doing: Taking advantage of door busted deals at 12 a.m. … more to come on that later though.

Have a very happy, safe, fulfilling, joyous, drunken, food coma worthy Thanksgiving from Life Sucks In A Strapless Bra! And feel free to comment on what you find yourself being the most thankful for (no judgement if it is fashion related, aka if you scored a piece of Versace for H&M … brag away.)

Hello Comfort, My Old Friend …

I haven’t said this in a REALLY long time, but I’m extremely pumped for this upcoming week. 1. It’s a three-day work week, 2. Thursday is Thanksgiving, 3. It is one of the rare and few times of the year when eating and drinking as much as you want is totally acceptable and almost expected and 4. Enjoying time with family and friends.

I remember when I was little, my mom would make me get dressed up in some velour, uncomfortable something or other and we would all go over to my Aunts house. I would eventually end up at the kids table where family members would come around with plates of ham and turkey and then expect me to chase it down with a glass of milk, since that is what my cousins drank. Ugh … it still makes me queasy just thinking about it. But let me walk you through my modern-day Thanksgiving, which I have to say is genius … pure genius.

I wake up, watch the Thanksgiving Day parade (it’s tradition in my house), probably work on nursing some sort of hangover (since the night prior is one of the biggest party nights of the year), nosh on a bagel, hate myself for never becoming a Rockette … the usual. Around noon or 1 p.m. I will make my way upstairs and take a shower. Sidebar for a second, the reason why my Turkey Day is so genius is because I don’t have to leave my house … ever. Everyone comes to me, ah the glory. I digress though …

I’ll get out of the shower and start pondering outfit options for that day and into the evening. Sure, guests will be coming over, but these are all people who have known me my ENTIRE life. It isn’t like I’m having William and Kate over or Barack and Michelle … for the love of God. But regardless, especially during a holiday, I loathe dressing like a slob. But I’ll say this much, don’t expect me to throw on my proper party dress and my best five-inch heels, so I can put an apron over said fabulous party dress and serve festive hors d’oeuvres and cocktails … give me a break.

It should honestly be illegal to wear anything uncomfortable or constricting on Thanksgiving. It is a solid and known fact that the amount of sodium and fat you will intake will make you blow up to the point of feeling like the Michelin Man. So when I’m pondering outfits for Turkey Day, I go for the two C’s: Chic and comfortable. Leggings are acceptable with a cute cardigan or sweater over it, while accessorizing to the 9’s. If you must, sure, rock a pair of skinny jeans … but only if they have some give in the waist, otherwise you will be proving the awful “Pajama Jeans” commercial correct with the button of your jeans digging into your belly button to the point where it starts bleeding, ick.

Honestly, anything oversized, from sweaters to T-shirts, is right on the money for when you slink into a food coma after dinner and retire to “Beached Whale” position on the couch. Shoe wise, leave your heels and uncomfortable boots in your closet for some proper R&R. Instead, if you aren’t going anywhere, or feel super comfortable at the place you will be spending the holiday, rock a pair of Uggs (preferably if you aren’t leaving your house … you all know how I feel about them), or a chic, cozy pair of outside life appropriate slippers, you know slippers that look like moccasins or something.

So, unless you are going to a five-star restaurant for Thanksgiving, there is absolutely no reason to get remotely dressed up. This is a holiday spent with close family and friends, people who respect and love who you are … hopefully. I promise the paparazzi won’t be outside your house waiting to see you dressed down, there will be no competition of who wore what best (unless you and a sister or cousin have some sort of weird rivalry) and I swear, one day of still dressing super cute, but perhaps a little more on the casual, comfy side will not land in on 2011’s “Worst Dressed” List.

So look cute, but focus on the two C’s first and foremost. Comfort and being chic. If wearing five-inch heels and a sick dress is your definition of comfort, then rock it girl. I clearly think you are crazytown, but that’s just me being obviously over judgmental, my apologies.

Try to take this day to indulge in good food, good wine, good conversation and good people. I personally cannot wait to let my closet fade to black for a day as I bask in the glory that is stretchy black pants, a fantastic sweater, some vintage jewelry and a great pair of slippers.

More Turkey, Less Shopping

thanksgiving-ann-sheridan-thecarveI’ve never understood the people who looked forward to the Black Friday madness. My first job was at Burlington Coat Factory when I was 16, and I remember having to work in the “coat department” on Black Friday, and quitting the next day.

Over the years, Black Friday has been taking steroids, my friends, to the point where it is now allowing stores to be opened ON Thanksgiving. I get the family traditions of eating dinner then taking a little cat nap, then heading out for the best deals at midnight … kind of. It’s cute, it’s tradition. Whatever. My family was too busy being in food comas and figuring out if one more piece of pie would push us over the edge to give a shit about awesome deals.

But what I don’t think people understand is that it takes human beings to open slash run these stores on Thanksgiving. People that have to deal with your crazy ass stampedes and tantrums and disgusting fights to get the best flat screen deal in the whole entire universe (which ps, it probably isn’t … shhh). People that either don’t get to spend Thanksgiving with their families, or have to leave mid-chocolate cream pie bite (my go-to Thanksgiving dessert) to head out to work. And you know what, that straight up sucks. To ask these people to for-go eating turkey for fear of a tryptophan coma that could inhibit their work is just cruel.

I’m starting a blog slow clap for Massachusetts, Maine and Rhode Island for establishing laws that tell retailers they absolutely cannot open on Thanksgiving and to shut their greedy mouths. Why can’t we be more like these states, other states, huh? And let’s include Nordstrom in this slow clap, because they, too are closed on Thanksgiving, AND not only that, but they premiere their store holiday decorations ON Black Friday. Not like in the death rattle of Halloween like some stores. I personally only consider it “the holidays” after I’ve digested my turkey and it is officially 12am on Black Friday. So to wake up to a beautifully decorated store on Black Friday, which Nordstrom knocks out of the park every year, I gotta say is a breath of fresh air.

Do you know there are ACTUAL malls fining stores for not opening on Thanksgiving. It’s called “Walden Galleria” in upstate New York, and I imagine it to look like this:

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Talk about Thanksgiving-branded Scrooge. Macy’s, an American establishment, a way of life for fashion, is one of these horrid stores opening on Thanksgiving, which thoroughly shocked me. There’s no “magic of giving” in that way of life, Macy’s. Just sayin’.

I get it, a good sale is a good sale. I am the first one to throw up an amazing deal I scored all over social media. But I refuse to stand behind any retailer opening on Thanksgiving, refuse, and I hope you stand with me on this. Guess what kids, it ain’t like the old days where retailers save their mind blowing, Oprah-favorite-things audience member mind-blowing sales for just Black Friday. There’s a thing called Cyber Monday, and, oh yeah, genius discount sites that have amazing deals all-day, err-day. And, oh yeah, retailers are SO desperate for your money that they have awesome sales ALL throughout the holiday. So chill the fuck out.

Listen, Thanksgiving is about eating way too much, drinking copious amounts of wine, being with your loved ones, and being thankful for the life you lead, no matter what kind of life that is. Not to go ape shit over $5 t-shirts at Old Navy. I mean come on, it’s gross. You HAVE to admit. So slow your roll, eat ya turkey, and the deals will be there bright and early on Black Friday morning with all of the other crazy bastards out shopping.