That Time Topshop Made Me Feel Like A Cow

tbs_movies_meangirls_645x360_081920110109I’ll admit it. I have let myself go a little bit. Because I love French fries, and it was the holidays, and I was sick, and blah blah blah, and at the end of the day I gave zero fucks and ate what I wanted.

My clothes still fit … I just feel gross and I am fully aware that there is some extra weight where there shouldn’t be. I’m owning it. I said it. It’s out in the world. 

I didn’t feel too bad about it until I treated myself to a little shopping trip for my birthday at Nordstrom. Topshop makes up a good portion of the “trendy” section, which I wasn’t complaining about because I heart Topshop

…until we got intimate in the dressing room. 

I had pulled 3 pairs of pants to try on, all ranging from sizes 10-12 (I’m normally a size 10, but knew Topshop runs small, so I decided to go up a size, just in case). Cute, ripped up skinny jeans. Gimme. 

The 10 barely went over my ankles. So I was like, okay, I get it, their sizes are wonky, I’ll suck it up and make the 12 work. Because French fries rule everything around me and this is where I am in life. 

The 12 barely went past my God damn knees. What in the living fuck? A big part of me wanted to throw myself in the corner of the fitting room in the fetal position, rocking back and forth crying hysterically listening to “In The Arms of an Angel.” I all of a sudden couldn’t even make eye contact with myself in the mirror because I was just straight up disgusted. 

And the kicker of all of this … 12 is the biggest size they had in Topshop pants at Nordstrom. I felt like Regina George trying on her formal dress after eating all of those Kalteen bars … “mmm yeah we don’t carry your size, maybe try Sears?” 

I didn’t even want to shop anymore. Even though I had found some cute tops that I adored, none of it was satisfying to me. None of it. I just felt fat, and gross, and not worthy of Topshop. And I kind of wanted an entire bottle of wine, but that was neither here nor there. 

And you know what? That is complete and utter bullshit. My mom quickly reminded me that the last time, months and months ago, I had the same run in with Topshop. I tried some shit on and all it did was make me feel bad about myself. 

Clothing should not make you feel bad about yourself. It should be a fun expression of who you are. Not a reminder that, mmm yeah, you don’t fit within our dumbass size ranges and maybe you should just eat salad for the rest of your life, you damn heifer. 

I think “plus size” is complete and utter nonsense. People treat it like a disease. Ooohh you gained an extra 10 pounds? Shucks, looks like we have to send you out to Plus size pasture. Cue the lightning bolts. 

Clothing companies, Topshop in particular … you are there to make women feel good about themselves. And when you don’t go past a certain size, or when certain sizes go from “normal” to “curvy” or “plus” … it doesn’t always make people feel great. Just because someone is over a certain size doesn’t mean they need to be in a different class of clothing. Just sayin’…

So Topshop, your tops are cute, your accessories are lovely, but your pants can suck it. Get it together and start catering to all women of all sizes, even the ones that love French fries a little more than others. A size is a size. Integrate them, shall we? 

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Kate Is Coming! Kate Is Coming!

CaptureIf you can’t tell by my Twitter, Instagram, Facebook … pretty much every day existence, I have an unnatural obsession with Kate Moss. And no, it is not because we share the same name, although that doesn’t hurt the situation. It is mostly because she was the “it girl” when I was falling head over heels for fashion … and one of the reasons why I wanted to do a pencil dive within the industry.

So with that being said … you can kind of imagine how thrilled I am about the Kate Moss for Topshop collection with Nordstrom happening THIS Wednesday. And by kind of thrilled, I mean this is one of those rare instances where I will wait in line to snag a piece and perhaps even smack a bitch for it. Yes. Smack. A. Bitch. And by smack a bitch I mean casually bump into another woman and then run away screaming like a little girl after apologizing thoroughly (I don’t get violent over fashion, neither should you … it’s not a good look).

If I had to describe this collection in one word, I would feel compelled to make up a word and say, “fringetastic.” And if it doesn’t scream, “FLORENCE WELCH, BUY ME!” I don’t know what does! Sometimes people forget that clothes should not only look smashing when you wear them, but should also move in a way that accentuates a woman’s curves in the best way possible. So thanks, Kate for recognizing this. In 86% of her Topshop collection, I just want to put on said garment and twirl. So if you see some freak twirling in a Nordstrom dressing room on Wednesday … yep, that will be me.

There are definitely more than a few pieces I’m obsessed with and need in my closet as soon as the clock strikes 12 on Wednesday, which I have outlined below in an effort to get you all just as excited as me. But I swear if you take my size, it’s on. Hell, let’s just rename Wednesday, Mossday. Who is with me?!

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Holy Heat Wave!

Leaving work today, the inside of my car said it was 107 degrees … and what it says usually goes. In the winter, when it gets below 20 degrees … it will say something like “ice warning.” I wonder why it didn’t say something like, “holy shit your car is about to burst into flames … RUN,” today. Anyways after burning my legs on my fiery hot leather seats (I know, I know poooooor me), and listened to the weather, it was brought to my attention that most of the U.S. is in heat wave mode, 13 plus have already died, and, sigh, it is only going to get hotter throughout the week.

So for those of us who have to look like decent human beings while in our workplace, here are some suggestions on how to stay classy, chic and cool. For those of you who don’t have to go to work, I envy you … and by envy I mean hate … and really the only suggestion I have for you is to: A. Either find a bathing suit, a pool, some SPF and work on your tan, or B. Walk around naked … wanna know why? Because you can!

Who Wears Short Shorts?: A lot of dress codes aren’t down with shorts, but hopefully your dress code melts a little along with everything else in this heat. Shorts on me personally do not work because I am 5’9 and everything tends to look shorter on me than they actually are, so I would be bordering Hookerville if I wore these in my office. And I would most certainly avoid jean shorts for fear of a “Britney” moment … wait … not THAT kind of “Britney” moment … but a “Britney” moment when she was married to K-Fed and only wore beaters, jean shorts with the pockets hanging out, and trucker hats … ick. City shorts are fantastic as they are office friendly, a bit on the longer side, and completely flattering and chic paired with a the right tank. Jazz it up with some statement jewelry and a pair of fierce wedges and you, my friend, will most definitely not be sent home with a dress code violation.

Maxi Everything: I never thought I could love something more than my maxi dress, until I met the maxi skirt. Both are MUST HAVE staples, especially in a heat wave. They are simple, they breathe, they are ultimately chic, and did I mention they literally take no thought, because they don’t … and who really wants to think in this heat. People say not to wear black when it is hot out, but I refuse to retire the black parts of my wardrobe for any kind of natural disaster or weather warning, so a great maxi skirt like this one from TOPSHOP can be transformed into several different looks. And even if you are on the shorter side, there is nothing more charming than walking around having to pick up your skirt elegantly so it doesn’t graze the floor. I don’t have that problem, but I do it anyway because it makes me feel fancy.

Do The No Pants Dance: Minds out of the gutters people, seriously, who wants to wear pants when its a bazillion degrees outside? Welcome to suffocation station … supplement the pants with flowing dresses and skirts. Without a doubt, Zara has some of the most interesting and classic dresses out there (and they are having a MASSIVE SALE right now … eeeeee!) The pleated dress would be a great example of a classic look with a little bit of an edge. It’s kind of a blessing that Zara doesn’t have an e-commerce section to their website, otherwise I would be the girl who lived in her million pretty little Zara dresses. They truly have something for EVERYONE … and a lot of their stuff is work appropriate, so much that you don’t even need to throw a cardigan over it.

Hydrate For The Love of God: I know this might seem like common knowledge and you might be wanting to exit out of this blog post, pointing at your screen calling me “Captain Obvious,” but wait … wait … wait for it. Looking fashion forward instead of a hot, sweaty, disgusting, makeup melting mess … starts with water. Being properly hydrated allows your skin to naturally glow, which is the base camp for style. So make sure you carry as many water bottles as you can in that fashionable purse of yours … which can also double as a work out if you carry several. Hello killing two birds with one stone!

So everyone be mindful in this heat and take care of yourself, loved ones, pets, and the elderly. And for those of you, again, who get to kick it by a pool and work on your tan whilst sipping margaritas and other frothy drinks … I hate you, but pour some out for me.