What To Wear Whilst Meeting Mr. Grey

CaptureOkay, as a writer and a huge nerdy fan of so many brilliant writers of the past, I hate to admit this. Really I do. But … I read all three Fifty Shades of Grey books. Sigh.

They were like crack. You knew they were bad books, I mean they were littered with grammatical errors. But you couldn’t help but gab to your girlfriends about the plot and the crazy shit that happened, like what went down with Christian and Anastasia in the bathroom scene (if you read it YOU know what I’m talking about … mmm hmm).

I remember when the Sex and the City movie came out. Sitting in a movie theater filled to the brim with straight up estrogen, and that one lonely dude whose idiot girlfriend dragged him there. Women put on their finest stilettos to pay homage to the queen of all fashionistas, Carrie Bradshaw, over-sized flowers and all. If we could have been sipping cosmos, we would have.

So it makes me think, what in holy hell will women wear to see Fifty Shades? Because this is a “see it with your ladies” kind of movie ONLY. If you see it with anyone else, you’re a damn fool. I hate the fact my mother even KNOWS I read the books, for Christ’s sake.

I mean, Anastasia was a pretty vanilla, Converse-wearing, boring chick until Christian threw some Manolos and really expensive lingerie at her. And Christian basically wore the same uber expensive suit day-in and day-out … unless he was in his “play room” (rar). So you can’t really have a Rocky Horror Picture Show moment and dress as your favorite character. Unless your favorite character is the third star in the movie, S&M.

I’m going to see the movie Friday with my other intelligent girlfriends who foolishly read the books and used one another as a safe place to discuss them endlessly. And a part of me wants to wear all leather just for funsies. I mean edgier looks are quite in-style. For example I walked into Zara this weekend thinking the image below was a necklace, and turns out it was belt. But nowadays, who can tell? If that doesn’t scream “I’m a freak-a-leek” (remember that song) I don’t know WHAT does.


Listen, I haven’t let myself read one review on the movie, because I know for a fact it is going to suck, and I want the suck to be a surprise. Henceforth why my friends and I will be indulging in copious amounts of cocktails beforehand in hopes it will make the movie spectacular. And unlike the Sex and the City movie, we may bring flasks. And who knows, maybe I’ll bring some fake whips just for funsies. They sell fake whips at Five Below, right?