It’s my pleasure to introduce my very first guest writer to Life Sucks In A Strapless Bra, Jenifer Reeves. She’s an up and coming writer in Philly and one of the very few I felt comfortable with handing over the reigns of my blog child to for a day. So show her some lerve, dammit.

Jenny is also kicking off my new series entitled, “(wh)Y…?” a spotlight on all the awful trends that have either been revived from the dead (where they belonged) or birthed out of what I can only assume is the horrifying loins of Satan.

The 90’s were certainly an interesting time for fashion. An eclectic mix of 80’s leftovers, the onset of the grunge revolution, and a bizarre year or so of drop crotch pants that were made popular by M.C. Hammer.

Perhaps these unfortunate trends were before your time; something you never had the pleasure of experiencing. I, however, entered into that decade as a brave and confused ten-year-old, willing to try out any and all fashion crazes, in hopes I would be asked to a school dance.

Mary Jane’s, shapeless dresses, thin cotton pants with an elastic waistband that resembled the “before” photo of a Jenny Craig commercial. Sadly … that was not the worst of it, though.

JNCO was a brand of jeans that became popular in the mid-to-late 90’s. They were no Levi’s, friends. Not even close. They were just yards and yards of endless denim with absurdly large pockets (over a foot deep), and leg openings up to 60 inches.

Let’s take a step back, though, and REALLY think about that. I have plenty of friends that are around five feet tall. Imagine one of them just curled up around your ankle, covering your shoes, and picking up litter and sidewalk gum with every step you take.

To be frank … JNCO’s are basically the world’s trashiest bridal train.

To top it all off, these gems were adorned with patterns such as tribal designs, graffiti lettering, and flames :::makes dry heaving noise:::.

My only theory was that someone may have taken a strong hit of acid, found themselves wrapped up in their grandmother’s drapery, sat in a corner doodling on the cloth that adorned them, and then listened to five-to-six hours of house music. And hence, JNCO was created.

Their giant back pockets were advertised as, “being able to fit a spray paint can.” They had secret “drug pockets.” JNCO had found their target audience and it worked. It almost makes sense when you think about how popular the “rave scene” was back then.

Look … it was a weird era. We’ve all made regrettable decisions as teenagers. But luckily, JNCO’s came and went, as all weird fashion does. They had a time and a place. And we moved on to more fantastic things in life like ball hugging skinny jeans.

BUT WAIT.

Brace yourselves … they are making a comeback. Not merely the company name itself, but the same exact pattern. They didn’t switch it up or modernize it. Years later, someone decided that this could be “a thing” again.

Maybe wear some JNCO’s on a night out on the town? Lounging around at home for some “Netflix and chill”? I see it advertised on social media nearly every day. I find this confusing at best.

In a world where skinny jeans and leggings are flattering and fashionable, how can we possibly revert back to this? If only I had known bringing back JNCO’s was an option, I would have tried my luck at making holiday themed pajama pants an every day thing (God willing, it’s still a possibility).

I want answers. I want input. For now … I will simply ask the question: “WHY?!”