If Rihanna Is Fat, Then I’m The Michelin Man

We, as a society, have a problem. Actually no. Let me rephrase that. We, as a society, have MANY problems. 

Donald Trump is our “President,” the US is pretty much a stone’s throw away from becoming the Handmaid’s Tale, and oh yeah, people think Rihanna is fat?! Is anyone else pinching themselves like, “WAKE UP, self, WAKE UP, this shit can’t be real! Make it stop. I want to be a baby again!” (No? Just me?)

First of all, Barstool Sports, on behalf of ALL women, go fuck yourself. 

Second of all, didn’t your mama teach you to NEVER comment on a woman’s weight… that is unless you want to get smacked.

Because shit happens. Sometimes you get depressed and you gain weight. Sometimes you’re on medicine that makes you gain weight. Sometimes when your uterine lining sheds and you bleed from your vagina for a couple of days… guess what? You gain weight. 

And then there’s this mystical thing called, “living life.” It’s this crazy world where women get to kick back, relax, and not spend every waking minute counting calories or having a trainer bark instructions at you. Where you aren’t expected to have 6-pack abs and walk around in bandage dresses with insane five inch stilettos to “elongate our legs.” Vomit.

You just say, self, stop giving a fuck for one minute, and enjoy life. Show off your new curves. Have the second piece of cake. Indulge in your cravings. Don’t cringe at the thought of having to go to the gym after work. Just don’t go. Shh, I won’t tell anyone.

Aren’t we allowed to do that without some jackhole commenting that, “ooohhh someone has been hittin’ the room service a bit too hard.” 

Because as someone who has gained a bit of weight over the past few months, if these idiots think Rihanna is fat, then God damn, send me off to the bell tower, because clearly it’s not appropriate for society, especially males, to see me at such a size… GASP.

To answer your question, Barstool Sports, being “fat” will never be a trend. In fact, the word itself, in my opinion, should be banned because it is cruel and hurtful, much like your post about a woman you only know through your earbuds and shit you read on TMZ.

At the end of the day you have zero idea of what is going on in someone’s head or heart, or what is going on with someone’s health. 

So tell me. Why comment on shit you know zero about? 

Life Sucks In A Strapless Bra OUT.

Also, Rihanna, you’re beautiful. But you don’t need my ass to tell you that. #Queen